Of Women and Sex

“…speaking about sex as if it were something a woman gave a man at a loss to herself…” - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie,my American Jon

I read this story some two weeks ago that was after I had read Uses of Fear and it stayed with me. While I have almost made peace with Audre Lorde’s statement, I just can’t get over this statement.  I just kept on thinking why is that there is the belief that when a woman has sex with a man she gives more than the man. In my thinking isn’t sex something that is give and take, the assumption here being that this is between two consenting adults. Why can’t women just have sex just to have sex you know to fulfill a need, you know like get laid because I want to get laid. Why is it that when a woman has sex just to fulfill a need the society looks down on her? Of course there is hundreds of other reasons why women have sex. Some of these being promotion, money, drugs, bartering, for revenge, to get back at a partner who has cheated on them. To make themselves feel good. To make their partners feel bad. Women can use sex at every stage of the relationship, from luring a man into the relationship, to try and keep a man so he is fulfilled and doesn't stray. Duty. Using sex to get rid of him or to make him jealous. That besides, the question still begs why is it assumed that the woman has more to lose than the man should she choose to have sex with him. Before you say that women are more easily attached and all so are some men, just like there are men who are able to disconnect sex and feelings there are also women who are able to do that.

What do you think of Chimanda’s statement?

:)

This song makes me happy. I love me some Lingala music but this is just better way better. :)

For 

Its sucks sitting here feeling like this. I hate this feeling yet time and again i find myself going through it. Am in the most pain i have ever known, alone, wishing that he or my family was near so that i could have someone to tell me that it will be well. Maybe rub my back, pass the hot water bottle or just hold me. Some days like today i hate being a woman. I cant eat, drink and missed work on days when i have important meetings and need to prove myself. Am tired of this whole thing yet in another few weeks i will be right here again, in pain, alone, in tears and wishing that it was different. There has to be another way really, there must be.
I really can't call my mum because she will only worry and i don't want to be a bother to anyone. Here's to me being strong, somehow have to make it to work tomorrow missed enough already. Still, i wish i wasn't alone just for tonight. Chin up, I will get though this!

Help Me Make It Throught The Night

Its past 1am in the morning and i cant sleep. For some reason am feeling vulnerable even though i just spoke to him who makes all things better. I have been known to be a strong woman but this one time i don't want to be strong i want to be able to crumble and have someone hold me.I wonder how it feels to be able to just let go and be weak even for an instance, you know not to have all things together and composed. I wish you were here since you would know what to do with a not-so-together me. I know i will put on a brave face tomorrow and face the world but in the immortal words of Gladys Knight & the Pips:-

Take The Ribbon From My Hair
Shake It Loose And Let It Fall
Layin' Soft Against Your Skin
Like The Shadows On The Wall
Come And Lay Down By My Side
'Til The Early Morning Light
All I'm Taking Is Your Time
Help Me Make It Through The Night

I Don't Care What's Right Or Wrong
I Wont Try To Understand
Let The Devil Take Tomorrow
For Tonight I Need A Friend

Yesterday Is Dead And Gone
And Tomorrow's Out Of Sight
And It's So Sad To Be Alone
Help Me Make It Through The Night

Emotion labelled Fear

Fear: be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event; and some of my very own are:-
1. Snakes and creepy crawlies.
2. Scary movies and stories.
They result to nightmares sorted by either sleeping next to someone or Bible plus rosary under my pillow after endless prayers.
3. Snakes coming up the drain pipe or toilet and biting me.
Don't ask have a very active imagination.
4. Growing old alone and having no one to share my life with.
5. Getting married and then it doesn't work out.
6. Failure.
7. Slipping on the tiles and hitting my head hence unconscious or choking to death seeing that i live alone.
8. Loss of family and friends.
9. Being pregnant and raising a child alone.
10. Situations that make me feel helpless or cannot explain.

I have been accused of being a commitment-phobe but i figure am just scared of being hurt having been there and done that. At the moment am at a place where i know what i want but i cant muster the courage to say it to you. I know you read this blog and i just want you know that am thinking of running away. Maybe its cowardly to you but to me this is the best course of action i can think of now seeing that i need to find the courage to say it or quell what i feel for you. I need to learn how to resist you and to say no every so often. My running does not mean that i like you any lesser just that i need space to sort this jumbled up mess that is my feelings for you.

To the cat...

First things first, Congratulations on your big day, am so proud of you. You know i really wanted to be there in person to cheer you on and as usual get you into trouble. Am sure you know by now if i had anything to do with it i would be there every weekend if not everyday. Today especially as has been this weekend i miss you more than usual, hanging out with you, making trouble with you, the controversies, the dares, the quiet times, the long talks, that reassuring hug, the music and dancing.
Thank you for your friendship, being there even for the late night calls about nothing, allowing me to derail you, taking care of me, hospitality, being straight with me, raising the bar each time and much much more. See you soon.

Best Always,
FL-K :-*

Got you under my skin

I have been looking for words to say something that is threatening to consume me. Ella Fitzgerald's "you go to my head" comes close only difference is that there is a good possibility that it could happen. Till i figure this out all i know is ...


You go to my head and you linger like a haunting refrain
And I find you spinning 'round in my brain
Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne
You go to my head like a sip of sparkling Burgundy brew
And I find the very mention of you
Like the kicker in a julep or two

The thrill of the thought that you might give a thought to my plea
Cast a spell over me Still I say to myself get a hold of
yourself Can't you see that it never can be

You go to my head with a smile that makes my temperature
rise Like a summer with a thousand Julies
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes
Though I'm certain that this heart of mine
Hasn't a ghost of a chance in this crazy romance
You go to my head
You go to my head

Back to the pond

I consider myself as a very open minded person, i always give a person the chance to say their piece. Then again there are a few special cases. My basic assumption is that before you walk up to me unleash your vibe you have thought it through or at least have an idea of what to say. Why then do you feel a pressing need telling me your financial worth while all i know is your name. Is that meant to help your chances with me? I know i look young and also that for some women that might work but come on cut me some slack. Is that it, thats all you have to offer? Oh sorry this must be the part where i get very impressed? Whatever happened to personality,wooing or just conversation about everything else apart from you. I must admit that there are still men in this town that you hang out with and at the end you are sad that the evening ended, then there are those that i wonder if it wouldn't have been better had i stayed and watched some lip-synced-Soap Opera. I am not saying that am the perfect date all am saying is that i try my best and you should too otherwise why then are we here.
Come to think of it my sis and i agree that by and large i attract very special men:-
MBAs(Married but Available): I have seen karma at work. These for me are out of bounds i just don't do married. No thanks, i don't need to be "taken care" of.
Older(read 33+)Single men looking to settle down who are in a rush to beat the deadline.
Foreigners, not that its a bad thing but lets be real you are here for a while there is no way to vouch that you don't have mamawatoto(3N 07)back home.
They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you get to prince charming, exactly how many is a few? In that line of thought forget prince charming and give me a man who can at least hold a conversation, well groomed, treats me with respect and we will work out the rest. Despite all i still have faith, there are a few good ones left.

This Man

I love this man with every fiber of my being,with everything that i am. I would die for him yes i know its a little extreme but for him nothing is. You have been my friend the one who has demanded more out of me and inspired me to be what am now. I am always welcome and can call you without necessarily having something to tell you just to tease you or to tell you mundane details about my day. I have you to thank for my love of sports despite our countless Man u Vs Arsenal(me) debates.I love the way we stay up to talk and watch wrestling/ movies or talk politics. By the way i will bring him home just give me time to make sure that he is the one. For your support,prayers, love, friendship and for being the best dad a gal can ask for.To my numero uno man in my life, now and always Happy birthday daddy.May God Bless you and keep you. I love you.

(Ol' Skool way)Dedicate: Song for dad by Keith Urban.

Aside:Modo shares a birthday with Daddy dearest tommorow. Happy birthday and thanks for being a good friend and yes the Waragi is on the way. Many happy returns and God's blessings.

You dont know my name

Claimer:I got this on my hi5. Still don't have answer for him yet i figure you will give me tips or at least learn and laugh. You know what to do after the three dots, leave a comment. Edits italicized.

YOU"re the kind of lady i am searching for.How wuld you feel to have a man that will cheerish you, feel you, share you happiness and sadness all the time. A man that will be there to give you all you want, satisfy your wildest desire, touch you were no man has ever touched.
Treat you like he's queen. Devot his time and attention to please you when neccessary.
A man that will share your dreams and build up your hope and aspirations together.A soulmate, partner and friend.
The love that you've searched for.
I'm here with my hands wide open to welcome you into my own very sweet world.
You're such a beautiful and adorable sweet looking lady, any man will fall for.
My name is Oga, i am 32yrs old, fair in complexion and 6ft tall, handsome. Inteligent, loving and romantic sweet young man.I am the kind of man any woman will desire to be with.I've all it takes to please a woman, the heart and the love.
I am self employed, an artist. I live in Lagos-Nigeria.
At my leisure time I love to play basketball, painting , swimming and
rugby, have a nice time in a cool atmosphere, go to the beech, watch movies.
I'm a very highly sensitive person, I'm as well considerate and conscious.I mind how i treat people, I'm cautious.I work very hard .
I love to kiss and cuddle, I like being in a romantic mood, cos i am too I don't really say I've bad habits. I'm a very fun- loving person, kind and like to assist people. I'm not very perfect, I've my faults but I'm a good listener and I adhere to instructions and corrections
I like to be in good moods, I hate to do things that will make me unhappy
And i only seek for matured and responsible sweet looking lady, with good head and ready to settle down.I'm a Christian, I love the things of God and I believe in his faith.
I'm still single and searching for that virtuous, caring and romantic woman who'll be my partner, friend, lover and wife in the very possible time.
I'm a kind of man any woman will desire to have, I'm not the best man but I try to be the best, that's my goal. I promise to give the very best to the woman after my heart.
You can reach me on email adress or call cellphone numbers Feel free to holla te me and tell me what you feel about me...

Absolut BS!

They dated for a year. On Friday, she sent an SOS and came over. I offered wine and she declined that was strange i know my girl she never turns down liquor. I made her tea instead and got my wine. I asked her how is baba and she laughed then sighed.
She: mamie am pregnant".
Me: Ok, what does baba think about the whole thing?
She: he said "Woman,sort yourself out, am confused"
ME: then?
She: He hasn't called and when i call him he wont answer.

What is wrong with some men,of course you knew when you were stroking that this might happen. Confused, sort myself out? Whatever happened to confessions of undying love and forever. These are the worthless men who give good men a bad name!

I want to Run Away

by Karen C Vanderlaan

sometimes, life is just tough.....

I want to run away,

Just be gone – check out

I long to hide away

And bury my head in my hands

To just cry until I am all cried out

Done - no tears left

Cry till all the sad is gone



I wish for long, long hours to sleep

To rise only to return and slip back

between sheets that never cooled

I desire the sleep of no interruption

Till all the exhaustion has lifted

From my heavily laden eyes



But… none of this will I do

I will get up each day the crack of dawn

I will continue the endless motions

That make this life of mine work

Putting one foot in front of the other

Over and over again

Aaaarrgh

Dunno how to explain this but am just full of jumbled up emotions.I hate this ride, sometimes feeling vulnerable,insecure,unsure and others feeling like the luckiest woman alive.Today am at the bottom.
I take friendships very seriously. My close friends i can count on one hand. I have the habit of keeping people at arms length and not getting so attached but when i do its hook, line and sinker. The distance will normally help when i need to walk away, am one of those who when i walk i just keep at it. I hate it when a supposed friend who knows i posses a certain quality exploits it. I will most often take loads of crap, point it out to you to rectify if the said manners persist then i will walk away. I think sometimes its better to leave early than to wait until it is so bad this way there is at least a chance that we can be courteous to each other when we meet.
I try my best to be a good friend and get very disappointed when it feels like the effort is one-sided. At this point i will be forced to do a cost-benefit analysis which often results to me counting my losses and aborting the mission. Right now, there's an ongoing audit. I know that should i choose to walk away from this, it will hurt like hell yet part of me is sure that we will be ok.

My Music

First off to all who have passed this way no am not snobbing. Below is music that has been keeping me sane while down under...



Eric Wainaina has an album out called Twende Twende a brother can sing. This album has me dancing in my chair, picking favorites is almost impossible but i do love twende twende- feat. Oliver Mtukudzi, Jana ni Jana, Adhiambo (though i cant understand it but the beat is timam).

Zilizopendwa.

Tz 70's Jazz bands,Taarab

Download Zilizopendwa

I shall be back soon. Thanks y'all.

Happy Birthday

Mwendwa,
Happy birthday.
Many happy returns to day and always.
God bless and keep you.
Thank you for everything.
You are in my thoughts and even more in my prayers.
Wishing all the more that you were here.
Missing you and counting the days.

Love always
Gish

One wish

Finally

Now that the insomnia is over finally,i can have the dreams. The song below is one of my all time favorites it never became a hit yet it does it for me.In true high school fashion, i want to dedicate this song to someone who always makes it alright for me.
With mingi love to W,what more can a girl ask for,thanks.