Workplace 101.

Pic Credits.

In the workplace there are things that are important to observe not only do they make it easier but are also crucial for the survival.

1. Always work with facts and figures. As long as you cannot prove it then it doesn't exist this is the case especially for hearsay or rumors at work.
2. Always take calculated risks, trust your instinct but even then have a plan B just in case.
3. Its work, nothing personal, take criticism/correction as it is. Differentiate.
4. Emails and all other written communications are evidence, be careful what you write.
5. There is very little if any room for emotions, always be as objective as you possibly can. Keep your personal issues aside, always know that you don't need to like/approve of anyone to work with them.
6. Realize that you are there to work, build your skill base and make some money in the process. Friendships made are extras.
7. Its not a favor, you work and get paid and you have the job because you are qualified for it. Its mutually beneficial and if you feel undeserving don't show, portray confidence as well take time to understand what the role is about.
8. Assert yourself, say what you mean. Don't be afraid to say NO. People will always treat you as you present yourself.
9. Pick your fights carefully.
10. There is no perfect workplace, do your thing and walk away. Let work things be work things and personal stuff be.
11. When you decide to resign, try your best to leave in the best terms possible. Be careful if you think you take the counter offer or use it as a means to get a pay rise.
12. Try your best not to react, walk away or do what you need to calm down then act.
13. Suck it up, else find another option unless you have no bills. C'est la vie.

Issues

It has been brought to my attention by two separate people that i don't see them as men. Really, dude seriously, you want to go that way? SMH! To paraphrase Katt Williams, it's called SELF-ESTEEM! It's esteem of your self. How am I gonna eff up how you feel about yourself you simple man ? 

 In other words, grow a pair. I still don't understand why people worry about what others think or say about them.  There are people who are worth the trouble and then there is the rest.  Go figure!

Its sucks sitting here feeling like this. I hate this feeling yet time and again i find myself going through it. Am in the most pain i have ever known, alone, wishing that he or my family was near so that i could have someone to tell me that it will be well. Maybe rub my back, pass the hot water bottle or just hold me. Some days like today i hate being a woman. I cant eat, drink and missed work on days when i have important meetings and need to prove myself. Am tired of this whole thing yet in another few weeks i will be right here again, in pain, alone, in tears and wishing that it was different. There has to be another way really, there must be.
I really can't call my mum because she will only worry and i don't want to be a bother to anyone. Here's to me being strong, somehow have to make it to work tomorrow missed enough already. Still, i wish i wasn't alone just for tonight. Chin up, I will get though this!

Help Me Make It Throught The Night

Its past 1am in the morning and i cant sleep. For some reason am feeling vulnerable even though i just spoke to him who makes all things better. I have been known to be a strong woman but this one time i don't want to be strong i want to be able to crumble and have someone hold me.I wonder how it feels to be able to just let go and be weak even for an instance, you know not to have all things together and composed. I wish you were here since you would know what to do with a not-so-together me. I know i will put on a brave face tomorrow and face the world but in the immortal words of Gladys Knight & the Pips:-

Take The Ribbon From My Hair
Shake It Loose And Let It Fall
Layin' Soft Against Your Skin
Like The Shadows On The Wall
Come And Lay Down By My Side
'Til The Early Morning Light
All I'm Taking Is Your Time
Help Me Make It Through The Night

I Don't Care What's Right Or Wrong
I Wont Try To Understand
Let The Devil Take Tomorrow
For Tonight I Need A Friend

Yesterday Is Dead And Gone
And Tomorrow's Out Of Sight
And It's So Sad To Be Alone
Help Me Make It Through The Night

Just Married

This weekend found me as a bridesmaid at one of my girls wedding.Iam all for getting married and I intend to do so some day. The wedding went well, despite starting late but the most important thing is that girlie is a Mrs. I always thought that when the day comes I will be in a white dress, relatives singing, Ma crying, my dad giving the guy a look but a few things have changed. I got to a point where a civil ceremony started looking really good considering that most weddings in .ke cost on average Kshs. 700,000 (approx USD 10,000) at least by the committees that I have sat on. Wedding committees, I have afew choice words that I would like to say about them. I have major issues with asking people for money and/or help so for me the theory is that if me and mine do not have the money to finance the wedding then a civil wedding would be a good option or at least in church with our witnesses only then throw a small party later.

On Sartuday after the groom’s side came to the bride’s place to pick her up as is required and were done singing their hearts out as expected, came the part that had almost the whole room in tears. The groom’s parents came into the house for the handover, before that was done the parents of the bride were asked to say something. When both parents spoke, it was such an emotional moment; you could hear the pride in their voices. I got to thinking I wonder what my folks would say to not having the chance to give me away, while my parents are very open minded then again.

Note that am not about to get married, maybe in a couple of years,yet can't help but think how long this feeling will last. Is it really worth spending all that money on one day, it’s only a wedding right? After all people will still find fault no matter how good the wedding is. Is the pressure and stress of planning a wedding worth it? Isn’t the most important part that you are now joined together, do we have to invite the whole clan? Someone help me understand why incur debt so as to have a big wedding?

Congratulations and Happiness to all who have taken the big step.

Hunh!

Greetings, yes its been a long minute. I need to figure out what about me attracts other women. I keep getting hit on women who for some reason think i might be willing or curious with offers of "if you are ever curious". Mostly i will smile and say i am not the least bit curious and only do men. The thing that fascinates me about these suitors if i may call them that, is that their game is so on point you wouldn't believe it. They complement,make small talk, make nice with the people you are with then go after you.
While am terribly flattered, i need to come up with a way to resolve this or to say no politely. Any ideas?

Awarded!

“This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.”And so the 3toc tagged me, thank thank. Having done one too many lists on this blog forgive any repeats here. Here goes:-

1.I have up and downs in my spiritual life. I love God. I have moments when i love to be in his presence but i have been on a dry spell where even praying is a big deal.I am getting back up there, thanks to my prayer warriors(my mum and sister)who hold me up.

2.I have never had issues with my weight until earlier this month, the doctor informed me that am too heavy for my bones. I love my size, i love being round and "curvy" but it has to go so health eating and exercise are in full force, of course plus occasional indulgence.

3.I just finished some classes that i have been taking so that i can switch careers, results are out on the first week of July.

4.I finally decided on my side hustle of choice and am actively working on it in partnership with my parents. It will take a lot of time and money but it feels great to spend time with folks and i know we cannot fail.

5.I do not watch horror, thrillers or any scary movies because i get nightmares, yes you read right, nightmares. This ends with me sleeping with the telly on plus a bible/rosary or sleeping over at a friends. So no scary movies for me.

6. A couple of my friends are getting married this year from July to end year we have at least one wedding each month and two in others. This means dresses, heels, weird questions, bridal showers, cake, dancing and great fun always.

7.I love spending time alone, i can sit at my house the whole weekend without the need to hang out with other people.I miss traveling alone and plan to by the end of the year.

8. In the last 3 months, a lot has happened and i feel like even though i was involved i got to look at it all from outside. I have had to review what friendship is, what matters, what i can live with and without. Subconsciously decisions have been made, plans made and are now in action. I like this work in progress me.

9. I intend to learn how to swim and a foreign language this year.

10. I have discovered great music thanks to some great bloggers. Here's to many more.

Thanks to all who read this blog and comment, to lurkers and to all who mail.Am truly grateful and mi casa su casa.

Ramblings

First off couple of things, i love living alone, the quietness, the choice to watch and listen to what i want, dress how i want or not, the freedom of being me. Being single allows me to be spontaneous, double freedom. Most of my days are predictable since they start off with a list of things that need to be done by end of business with minor deviations on weekends which are now full of bridal showers, weddings, dowry proceedings, baby showers et al.
Last weekend was no different, was an usher at a wedding then evening party and home to bed, only difference is that i have been having a few issues with my health. As is norm i had waited until it was unbearable before i went to see the doc after which we agreed, ok, more like he informed me that i would have to undergo some procedure but he wasn't sure when but would let me know when space came up.
Sunday afternoon, needing to get my mind of things i called H to hang out at our local joint for some meat and maybe a drink. As usual we caught up on life, drama, friends, work and family. At some point, i told him about the issues that i had which was followed by, had i told anyone in my family about it. To me, it was my problem and mine to find a solution plus i didn't want the pity and worrying that would come from my family. I got a lecture and was duly informed that our friendship was on probation. As soon as i got home in a semi-happy state, my doc calls me to let me know that he had an opening the next day in the afternoon and to abstain from food and if really hungry take clear liquids only.
I sleep as well as i can then get to work the next morning, go through the motions, mail my boss informing him that i will be away then at half one head to the hospital after calling H to inform him of the change in plans as well as a few things to do in case anything goes wrong.Then protocol begins BP, weight, temp,last meal, bla bla bla. Shortly am taken to the changing room, ugly green gown,switch off phone, jab then i have to wait.In that moment,knowing that i would be unconscious for at least two hours, a lot is going on. Questions of what if i don't get up, did H really save my folks number seeing that he was my ICE(In case of Emergency) contact and i hadn't told anyone in my family, i check for medical cover, wish i had someone to sit with me among other things.
Shortly am taken to the theater, lights, jab, counting, darkness then 2.5 hrs later from the clock on the wall.Am awake, i can hear people talking and see a nurse but cant move. I will my toes to wriggle and try to scratch an itch but i cant move, this must be how it feels to be paralyzed.Am scared,worried and relieved. Half an hour later i can move and the first thing i do is to switch on my phone and call H to announce that am alive.
I feel weak, high, dizzy, thirsty, hungry, relieved, i want to go home, confused, sad.I am dropped at home, put to bed then they leave. At that point all i want is someone to sit with me not talk just sit. I call home, order some food and milk, all is well so far. The next day is spent in bed flipping through channels, texting people who are busy at work, my internet connection wont work, tired i give up and sleep only to wake up and it was noon.Very very long day.
I must admit that i love being independent and to think that i can handle anything which is almost true but in the last two weeks i have learnt that nothing can take the place of another person. I have wished and longed that i had someone there with me, confide in, tell me it will be okay. The worst is over. While am thankful for H and my family, it just ain't the same.

Mumblings

A while back i made a list of the things that i wanted in a man. This list is in two categories, what i need him to have(very important) and what i want him to have(negotiable). Then i wrote a list of what i have to offer at the moment. I was going through my journal from 2006 and yes its official as much as things have changed, they have also remained the same. It seems that i still haven't learnt much about relationships save for being wary of being in one.
It seems to me that with time am more hesitant to take heart related risks. I met someone and for a minute i allowed myself to think of what can be? Unfortunately that lasted all of that minute and soon my head, as it usually does, took over and started rationalizing everything that was going on. While i love the freedom that comes with being alone , i am not keen on the loneliness that creeps in with being alone. Within the past month, i the took a friend to bury a man she had loved for five years. The pain in her eyes and the cry from deep in her soul had me wondering if it is all worth it. Yet in the same time we crossed borders so that a friend could meet the parents of a man she thinks is it. The joy and endless laughter, how she lights up when she talks of him has me thinking maybe, just maybe its all about finding that person.
I have been thinking, am not good at this dating/relationship thing. Someone close to me once claimed that he is not boyfriend material and i got to thinking what makes one relationship material? Is it the ability to stay and press on even when things look glum? Is it the ability to communicate effectively and honestly? J says that my bug is that i date/love like a man, dunno what it means so i can't explain. So here we go again, two steps forward eight steps back. And no, its better not to yearn than to yearn at all.

Count Down to the Pearl!

Its Monday at half four and it feels like there was no weekend. Thank God a few urgent things are done though there a few things that are pending with deadline being tomorrow. Pressure is mounting, all in days work. One thing that keeps me going and actually puts a smile on my face. This week ends on Thursday seeing that Friday is a holiday. On that very Thursday after work shall find me headed for the border.
I am off to Kampala with my girl-in-crime Shi, there is trouble to be made.There is a couple of cold Nile Special and some Ug with Gish on them. Some Pork at Zanzi, Rolex at Wandegeya and Katoko with Gnut sauce at my friends house. I can already see my favorite hangout joints as at the last time i was there in June 08. The best thing about the trip is the clique that is waiting, boy can they party, they never disappoint always a new place to discover.
Heres to three days of absolute throw down. All i can say there might be pictures. Can Thursday get here already!!!!

WTH?

Dude: “Am tempted to call you Baby. Please accept. Do you?”
Chic: “ Am hesitant since it says more than what’s going on so not just yet”.
Dude: “ please pardon me if I misbehave! How about I call you “woman”
Chic is pissed. Counts to 400. Then…
Chic: Do me a favor, lose my number. Thanks.
Dude: “Am so sorry. Thought you had a great sense of humor. I do and merely extended the same. Am sorry. Good night.

Anyway dude calls chic to clarify if the instructions apply. She tells him not necessarily. He apologizes again and wishes her a good day. Chic wonders if she is being fickle. Arrghhhhh!

Whopped!

My life has been comfortable by and large with just enough pressure and stress. That was until yesterday, i saunter into class literally and even before i sit am informed that i have a research paper that is overdue. Whats with people flashing their completed assignments can't they just hand them in quietly, show offs.After that comes the handouts i missed, upcoming exams, other papers whose deadlines are in a week or two tops. I get home, fix a snack and Google till late. This is cool though some of the material i find is irrelevant, in the middle of the whole thing, the reminder for the 7:30am meeting with boss man pops up. Decide what to wear and force some sleep, cant sleep so i watch a bit of Sheep in big city only i end up more alert.

Alarm, its 5:45am get out of bed its raining outside, turn on the heater, mumble a prayer get back to bed. At quarter past six, boss man sends a text that he cant make it to meeting so move the meeting for later. Great, only am awake and cant go back to bed so i put on some music and make a cuppa to drink, while i get ready. Its Friday, time for the weekly meeting where departments heads brag about their achievements or defend their peoples for not meeting targets. While at the meeting, i get the ultimate wake up call. Rehearsal is over, stage is set time for me to go on and do my thing. As at now, all i know is that am in major trouble. I have to tweak my schedules and while i know i should be panicking or worried instead i have a rush that i cant explain. Time to draw work plans, dust the card holder, get ready for meetings and ask for patience because some meetings incite homicidal thoughts.

Now that work and school is kicking my ass, time to bust a move. Looks like this weekend will find me at the library. I dislike libraries too quiet for my taste, makes want to burst out into a song or poem then blame it on some disease.

Lastly, a quote from Sheep in big city

Ranting Swede: I'll tell you one thing that really clips my begonias... Coffee Tables! Is every beverage in the world going to want its own table now? Oh, here's the coffee table, here's the tea table, oh, watch out! Here's the lemon-flavored seltzer water table. Where's it all going to end? I drink both root beer and diet root beer. There'll be no place in my house for my shoes! And another thing, if they can put a man on the moon, why can't they leave him there?

Have a blessed and easy weekend my peoples!

Brrrrrr!

The past six weeks have been cold with the worst day being that fateful Tuesday when we were at nine degree centigrade. Am sure some of you are thinking that's not so bad, here it is. This weekend found me snuggled in bed seeing that the weather was less than friendly. I got to thinking about couples who have planned for a garden wedding, does that mean the bride has to find a white sweater/shawl/poncho lest she freezes even before i do and by the way can you ask the priest to skip some parts so that it ends faster.

Beginning of another week, its freezing cold, drizzly and no i don't have a sweater only endless cups of hot chocolate that comes with endless trips to the throne. I got to thinking, what if there was an agency where you could hire someone to keep you warm until the cold season goes away. All that is required is that you a small fee to view the profiles of the men/women who are the body-warmers. The Sales Rep show you to a room where you see the video clip of the person that you think might be good for you. Finally you make the selection of the top three as required by the fine print, then you schedule to interview them, surely its the least you can do seeing that they will be sharing your bed. After the interview you agree on the terms and conditions of the contract therein the reporting hours, code of conduct, expectations from either side etcetra etcetra. So deal is signed, you give directions to your house and that evening you come home to an already warmed bed aah bliss!

If only it was that easy, these are the times when being single is so hard (and yes Kat i heard you). Seriously, how many hot chocolates can you take in an evening? Even worse how do you sleep in a tee, track, socks, sweater arrrgghh i miss feeling the smoothness of my cotton sheets.

Why oh why?

Does size matter?


Why are men so comfortable with nudity, they just strip and strut around whether
they have a six pack or pot belly, ashy skin, bad legs, unshaved or shaved "Jordo"?

Why do some TV channels insist on airing programs/movies that are not
family friendly as early as 8pm with nudity and cursing? Come to think of it is it
just me or do most cartoons have an adult theme?

Why do some women feel a need to flirt with bus conductors so as to either not pay
fare or pay half of the require amount, Is it really necessary even in the name of
cutting costs?

Why do some men hate on women driving big cars always assuming(loudly) that they
are mistresses or driving daddy's car or boyfriend's car and even if so, then what?

In this day and age, why would one feel a deep need to flash his/her business
card/title all in bid to get some attention. How about trying to develop some
conversation skills?

Most of the men i know will pick up the cheque or go dutch which is good either
way, that i can handle. Abeg you explain the breed of men who just sit there and
wait for women to pay and no they wont do dutch either!

Do people generally realize that there is a difference between making love and
having sex?

When you buy someone a gift or treat them to something,do you realize that the
receiver owes you nothing but gratitude.In the event that you want more kindly let
the term and conditions/fine print be known sooner than later.

Why do i always need a holiday to recover from my holiday?

Why do we as women set such low standards for men?

To the cat...

First things first, Congratulations on your big day, am so proud of you. You know i really wanted to be there in person to cheer you on and as usual get you into trouble. Am sure you know by now if i had anything to do with it i would be there every weekend if not everyday. Today especially as has been this weekend i miss you more than usual, hanging out with you, making trouble with you, the controversies, the dares, the quiet times, the long talks, that reassuring hug, the music and dancing.
Thank you for your friendship, being there even for the late night calls about nothing, allowing me to derail you, taking care of me, hospitality, being straight with me, raising the bar each time and much much more. See you soon.

Best Always,
FL-K :-*

The Positive And Negative Of Being Alone

Being alone is a state of ecstasy
Being alone is a quiet orgasm
Being alone is like the sound of silence
Being alone is making one side of the bed
Being alone is arguing with yourself in the mirror
Being alone is not seeing yourself in the mirror
Being alone can become a permanent state
Being alone does not disappoint
Being alone allows you to explore your inner self

-Allan James Saywell

Half a Dozen....

The Rules:
- Link to the person that tagged you.
- Post the rules on your blog.
- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
- Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
- Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

Moja: Iam my own ms.Fix-it literally and actually enjoy it sadly i cant wash my own hair properly so have to go to a salon.

Mbili: I am get along with men very easily, as a result 99% of my friends are male.This is good and not so good at times esp when dating.

Tatu: I don't know how to ask for help as well as depend on someone. I prefer to handle my own issues myself, i hate being disappointed.

Nne:I don't care much for chocolate, flowers, candy and PDA.

Tano: It takes time for me to walk away from friendships and relationships but when i do i hardly look back. Funny though still consider them as friends.

Sita: I love to dance and i dance to anything as long as there is a beat and rhythm.

By the powers vested in me i tag everyone who is on my blogroll and hasnt posted six yet. Get to work ;)

Going Down!

Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.


I am not sure what i feel, sometimes am sad,then am angry then helpless but mostly overwhelmed. I have had this feelings for the past week or so and from the look of things i had better figure something out real quick. Stuff normally doesn't get me to tears as easily as it is doing now. I feel like i have a million thoughts going through my mind coupled with an endless fast growing to-do list. Towards the end of last week, i was sure that if i could get away if only for a while then maybe i could devise a plan. Now whenever i sleep i keep waking up with fright and have strange incoherent dreams. Then they started a fight where my family is at, its hard to talk to my daddy who is down playing it(i know he is protecting me)and then get the real deal from my siblings. Arrggghhh am so fed up. Still its not been all cloudy, i must thank all the amazing people who have asked about me and my fam (Akiey '07). Others who have made me smile and forget if only for a moment. Yeah even you too who didn't know what to say, am grateful maybe when i can i will talk to someone. I feel like am going down but at least am looking up.

Back to the pond

I consider myself as a very open minded person, i always give a person the chance to say their piece. Then again there are a few special cases. My basic assumption is that before you walk up to me unleash your vibe you have thought it through or at least have an idea of what to say. Why then do you feel a pressing need telling me your financial worth while all i know is your name. Is that meant to help your chances with me? I know i look young and also that for some women that might work but come on cut me some slack. Is that it, thats all you have to offer? Oh sorry this must be the part where i get very impressed? Whatever happened to personality,wooing or just conversation about everything else apart from you. I must admit that there are still men in this town that you hang out with and at the end you are sad that the evening ended, then there are those that i wonder if it wouldn't have been better had i stayed and watched some lip-synced-Soap Opera. I am not saying that am the perfect date all am saying is that i try my best and you should too otherwise why then are we here.
Come to think of it my sis and i agree that by and large i attract very special men:-
MBAs(Married but Available): I have seen karma at work. These for me are out of bounds i just don't do married. No thanks, i don't need to be "taken care" of.
Older(read 33+)Single men looking to settle down who are in a rush to beat the deadline.
Foreigners, not that its a bad thing but lets be real you are here for a while there is no way to vouch that you don't have mamawatoto(3N 07)back home.
They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you get to prince charming, exactly how many is a few? In that line of thought forget prince charming and give me a man who can at least hold a conversation, well groomed, treats me with respect and we will work out the rest. Despite all i still have faith, there are a few good ones left.

Judged!

One of the commandments of good relations is "don't judge a book by the cover" and i broke it. Then i spent some time with you and realized there's is really more to you. Am glad that we both took time, looking forward to greater heights of friendship. And to think that i almost lost this opportunity. Lesson learnt.