7 June 2011

Of Women and Sex

“…speaking about sex as if it were something a woman gave a man at a loss to herself…” - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie,my American Jon

I read this story some two weeks ago that was after I had read Uses of Fear and it stayed with me. While I have almost made peace with Audre Lorde’s statement, I just can’t get over this statement.  I just kept on thinking why is that there is the belief that when a woman has sex with a man she gives more than the man. In my thinking isn’t sex something that is give and take, the assumption here being that this is between two consenting adults. Why can’t women just have sex just to have sex you know to fulfill a need, you know like get laid because I want to get laid. Why is it that when a woman has sex just to fulfill a need the society looks down on her? Of course there is hundreds of other reasons why women have sex. Some of these being promotion, money, drugs, bartering, for revenge, to get back at a partner who has cheated on them. To make themselves feel good. To make their partners feel bad. Women can use sex at every stage of the relationship, from luring a man into the relationship, to try and keep a man so he is fulfilled and doesn't stray. Duty. Using sex to get rid of him or to make him jealous. That besides, the question still begs why is it assumed that the woman has more to lose than the man should she choose to have sex with him. Before you say that women are more easily attached and all so are some men, just like there are men who are able to disconnect sex and feelings there are also women who are able to do that.
What do you think of Chimanda’s statement?