23 November 2006

The Stirring: Hush

STOP yes you stop, stop everything just stop. Be still,hush. Last night as it was raining cats and dogs i stopped. In the last waking moments before i drifted off to sleep, i decided to do something that i read about. So i lay on my back completely stretched out and did it :- " Exhale all the breath while gently pulling in the abdomen.Begin inhaling while puffing out the abdomen.Gently bring the breath upwards, allowing the rib cage to move up,then continue bringing the breath up, thus expanding the chest.Slowly begin to exhale the breath reversing this process, exhaling from the chest, allowing the rib cage to go down and then the abdomen to gently go down.Feel the breath go in and out of your body.Dont worry if your thoughts drift just breathe"
In the stillness of the night:-
You get to hear sounds that normally you dont hear or you are too busy to hear.
I could hear my thoughts drifting in and out.
I felt so much at peace
I realized how blessed am.
On this wonderful thanksgiving thursday, take a minute heck take five tonight, before you sleep and just be still thinking about everything and nothing then breathe,then tell me how it feels you know i will be doing it myself.
Happy thanksgiving to you all.
God bless you all.

Stepping Over Into the Abyss

I live for the stillness
that rests between the words
the distant spaces of thought
suspended by silken threads of light.

The web of life capturing my attention
sticking to the soles of my feet
which are rooted in sensual knowing.

Deeply alive and fearless
of the stretched lines
crisscrossing into nothingness.

I step over into the abyss
of silence and no words
no thoughts
no voice to be heard.

Darkness and light
become the illusion
for in this place there exists
nothing and yet all.

The universe is empty
without anything
moving through it.

I am the I AM

(from http://www.sanctuaryofstillness.org)

17 November 2006

The Stirring : Change

Why does change take so long?. You know undoing a wrong habit. They say that it takes 21 days to form a habit. I keep feeling that all round am taking 3 steps forward and 15 backwords. Seems like i just cant hold on till the 21st day like onthe 18th day i have to start all over again. I have realized that change results from hardwork, focus and discipline.
Enter my new theme song: One day at a time. Looking carefully at myself then i know there is alot to be done and its easier to start today.Part of the changes is in changing the ideologies that i grew up with.
I love God and all that pertains to him. I thoroughly enjoy being part of a church. Iam one of those who grew up in church literally am as presbyterian as they come. My folks were elders and held positions in church, attended every step of church from baptism to sunday school to brigades(high school) to youth then dropped out. Though most things i learnt then still hold true i must admit that some things i have to rid myself like ideologies about other religions like christianity being a superior religion. I have learnt to live with other people and objectively discussing our beliefs in whatever they regard and deity. That doesnt mean that i agree with them but that we agree to disagree. I have also found a church where i feel at home and where my needs are catered for. I have noted with concern that there are times in my life that i have felt truly connected to God and totally nsync. Then the moments when i feel like He has turned his back on me. Have you ever tried to pray and you feel like your prayer is just rehearsed poetry. You know you were taught to start with gratitude, repetance, supplction, ask him that his will prevails and statement of faith right? Am tired and i know that there must be another way to do this. A while back i heard the stor of the person who wrote a prayer and stuck it on the wall and everynight they would say outoud before snoozing, Lord there and point to the prayer.I am not any different. So i have gone back to writing my prayers in my journal since then i have noted that am more honest and straight up.
Never thought my life had so many departments so this is the beggining. I figure if i sort it out with God the rest will be easier to handle.
This is so appropriate: Ressurection By Nicole Smith Sponberg
I am at a loss for words
There's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and so cold
Where did that passion go?

When all my efforts seem like changing the wind
Ive used up all my strength and theres nothing left I can give
I've lost the feeling, and I'm numb to the core
Can't fake it anymore

Here I am, at the end
I'm in need of resurrection
Only you can take this empty shell
And raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world
What seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in your hand
And make me whole again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
you raise your hand and calm the waves of the raging seas
you have a way of turning winter into spring
make something beautiful out of all this suffering


15 November 2006

Do-it-all and Expiry Dates

What is wrong with us? I mean all of us Kenyans you know the political analysts without portfolio. Allow me to give an example; If the any head of an organization learnt that a particular department were not performing as expected what do you think he/she would do? Ideally he will call the manager who will be asked to explain what is going on and then sort out the mess right. Maybe you see where am going with all these?
So how come we (me included) expect the president to do everything from floods to clashes to weddings and all. Does the president have to attend to everything? If so then why do we need the cabinet? If he has to do everything then it kills the purpose of having a cabinet. I thought that good leadership involves letting people work out their roles and only stepping in where necessary to offer guidance or reproach where needed right??
I do acknowledge and realize that not all of them are doing their jobs so what is the next step? See where most of us work we have performance contracts; the deal is real simple you either perform or see the door. Is it possible to stipulate a performance contract for both the MP aka posers and also for the cabinet? The painful part is that I work my butt off, pay more taxes more than tithe and have nothing to show for is.
Everything has an expiry date right surprisingly even water yeah that too. I think time has come for us to have a fixed term for MPs and yours truly the president. Am concerned that most of our leaders seem to have a till-death-do-us-part attitude towards their political term. Is this the way forward ?
“On the contrary, if people (the voters) are empowered with civil education and thorough democratic policies are followed; MP's are easily limited by the power of the Voter. We still vote with our stomachs full on the voting day, and survive through hardships for the next five years of MP's terms. We cannot expect drastic development if we continue recycling players in the political field. We need to open up the field to new players with fresh ideas. Recycling of old players and old ideas has lead to the stagnated development. We now want creative minds and risk takers who will challenge the status quo. It is time for the youth to stand up for themselves and boldly demand for change. We need change in mindset; change in ideology and above all a change in guard. If we continue doing what we have always done, in the same manner that we have always done it, how can we expect different results? Development of a country does not just happen; it needs effort to be realized. It also requires commitment and above all a deep rooted passion for change.”

What is your $.02 ?

9 November 2006


Am one to constantly look at myself in third person in a quest to be a better person. Therefore "The Stirring". This will be a weekly post done on thursdays about the areas that am working on and any other issues that am tackling. Why the stirring you ask, because its a arousing of actions that will result to a change. Just like the way you stir the porridge so it doesn't form lumps, so are the actions repetitive till we are done. Musta been what the teacher always said was it practice practive makes perfect or was it perfect practice makes perfect.
I am not Catholic used to be though back in high school so that i could go out every sunday. Actually i even danced in church you know in the procession yes i done it.Dont be looking at me like that everyone i know all grew in church. You know the sunday drill get up, shower, breakfast, wear your sunday dress gentlemen insert Kaunda suits here and ladies the frilly layered dresses et al to match, sunday school. They say its easier to talk to a stranger right so i followed my sister-friend and partner in crime to talk to a priest or spiritual guide to be politically correct. So i will try and share what am learning in these sessions with you and any other lessons learnt elsewhere. Why a priest, i have no idea i figure he will remain impartial and has heard worse than i have to tell.
what is life without a sense of humor.Please check out http://www.mchongoano.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1376

2 November 2006

Ah! Men

12 Types of men

a. Real good at making love
b. Fun and exciting
c. Makes you laugh
d. Has your back, will fight and protect you
e. Stands for what he believes in
a. Usually drinks and smokes too much
b. Always got drama
c. Stays a thug forever
d. In and out of jail

a. Will take you out in the beginning
b. Will introduce you to all his friends
c. Compliments you all the time
a. Has a girlfriend who he's been with since the 2nd grade
b. Will not get rid of her
c. He tells you about her after you've fallen in love with his *bleep*

a. Will give you money with no questions asked
b. Has alot of style to him
c. Will show you some of the nice things in life
a. Never returns your pages
b. Feels he can come to your house at any given time without calling first
c. Loves to be around his boys more than you.

a. Can get you and your friends on the guest list at all the jumpin parties
b. Can have a decent stimulating conversation
c. Tends to dress nice
a. You don't know if he's gay, straight or bi
b. Seems flighty when you speak of a solid commitment
c. You still have to wait in line to get in all the jumpin' parties,
then there's drama at the door
d. All he has is a bunch of pictures with celebrities but he doesn't
know any of them personally

a. Book smart
b. Cares about how you feel
c. Has a very good job
a. Boring as hell
b. Doesn't know what the hell he's doing in bed
c. He is not street smart
d. Always asking you when he can see you again

b. Makes you laugh
c. Got mad style and flava
d. Has a temper, but generally a charming sweet guy
e. Says he want a real relationship
a. He got 3 or more baby mommies
b. Wants to lay up in your crib, use the phone, and eat up all the food
c. Is in denial when you tell him about himself
d. Comes home at 3:00 am and says he was out with his boys

a. Will teach you about black history
b. Revolutionary
c. Inspiring & gives to you spiritually & emotionally
d. Wants a wife and family
a. Breaks up with you for a white girl
b. Mo money-doesn't have a job
c. Doesn't own a nice suit, always wearing camouflage and oils
d. In the end, you find out he is just a trifling, con motha*bleep*a

a. Will introduce you to his mother
b. Has a job and will take you out
c. Will give you money for your bills if you need it
d. Sometimes he goes to church on Sunday
a. Sometimes he goes to church on Sunday
b. Secretly wants to be Mr. Thug Life
c. Wears fake Movado & Rolex watches when he goes to the club
d. Ignores you when the game is on because he takes sports too
serious -He didn't make it professionally
e. You find out after you break up with him that he was cheating on you

a. Will tell you the truth - that you're not the only one
b. Sometimes hes fairly decent in bed
c. He tells you that you've changed him and he's ready to settle down
d. Has his own apartment and car (invites you to move in with him)
a. He doesn't acknowledge you in public, especially if there's a women around
b. Generally he is a punk (won't stand up for anything)
c. He expects you to believe all his lies just because he told you the
truth about other women
d. After you catch his lying *bleep*, he tells you that he told
you that he was a playa in the beginning anyway

a. Of course.... he has a job
b. Doesnt have too many bad habits
c. Will take care of you when youre sick
d. Tells you that he is in love with you
a. You stay in the relationship 2 years or more and then find out
he's a shiftless, lazy son-of-a-*bleep* who wants you to do
all the wifely duties but wont give you a ring
b. He ends up telling you that he loves you, but is not "in love" with you
c. After he leaves you he gets married a month later

a. He's your best friend, you tell each other everything; you
get along very, very well
b. He gives you advice when you and your man are having problems
c. The ultimate gentleman
d. Sweet and caring with a good sense of humor
a. You end up hooking up with him only to find he ain't about *bleep* either!
b. Now, you gotta find a new best friend because you can't stand
his *bleep* no more

Drum roll...

******** 12. MR. RIGHT**********
a..He loves God and takes his relationship with God seriously
b. He is intellectual, brilliant, and capable of taking you
there mentally and emotionally
c. He will love you even when you are not lovable
d. He has a career and not a job!
e. He acknowledges his faults and strives to be a better man
f. He understands a relationship is built on a 200%
quota - 100% him and 100% you
g. He doesn't have a bunch of kids and babies mommas - he's smarter than that
h. He is a true best friend and everything you ever wanted in a man
i. He was cute when you met him. But, after spending sometime
you see he's fine as hell! YAY YAY
j. He can dress - knows the difference b/t formal, semi-formal,
professional, business casual, casual, and since we are just
chilling let me throw on some sweats and a fitted hat
h. He loves his mother and respects women
a. You've never met him and if you did he already has a girl/wife
b. Resides in your dreams.

They all sound a tad bit too farmiliar for my comfort, then again what do i know am a certified commitment phobe LOL. Seriously now which are you( if male) and which one do you want (if female)?

1 November 2006

The Walking Race aka Marathon

Due many many reasons i will not post personal pics just group pics. HOla for personal pics LOL else enjoy