26 December 2005


My heart is heavy for my client who just called because she needed to talk. See she just broke up with her fiancee. Her heart is shattered. She hurts so bad and yet all family she's got are a thousand mile from home. All the consolation she's got is on mail. I pray for strength to move on. Your consolation and reassurance that it will be ok. You love and that you would hold her please and piece back her heart. Give her a shoulder to cry on. To you my dear you are in my prayers and no sweetie it's not your fault.Just talk t GOd he is as always the Bestest

23 December 2005

its xmas again


Am off home to mama, relatives, nosy aunties and beer sipping uncles. Endless mnyama choma and tell you all about it.
love always

8 December 2005

Just Let Me

I have been thinking of you, the times we spent together, habits formed. I still find myself waiting for that call or SMS good morning,how u doing,goodnight, i love you.How we shared each moment and event.I recall the fights, then from breakups to makeups.My love, my story, each chapter co-authored side by side, the good the bad and the ugly.My heart , why do you weep so?
Tis true that weeping soothes the soul; but i dont want to be soothed all i want is my love my friend back, take things back to the way we used to be. Please dont say you are sorry.
Let me grow numb with the pain of reality .
Let me mourn for the loss of a part of me.
Let me question and doubt if i will ever find another like you.
Let me rethink of every action and word uttered, should i have done it differently?
Let mine eyes refuse to shut and thoughts of you haunt me by day and night.
Let my shattered heart console herself.
Let food nor drink touch these lips.
Let me be sad, hide from the light of day.
Let me curse cupid and place all blame on him.
Let me wonder how i didn't see this coming.
Let me be till i can find the pieces of this shattered heart.
Let me cry till there are no more tears.
Let me have my ice cream, my chocolate,my vodka, my comfort foods.
Let me have my love stories to watch and inspire more tears.
Let the sight of couples holding hands in town being tears to my eyes.
Let me be alone, wallowing in a sea of pity.
Let me question what he/she has better than i.
Let me ask without answers, why me?
Let my dream of us , two children,X5 and mansion in kitisuru shatter
Let me be sulky,moody,bitchy,irritant,let me be i deserve to be
Let me swear to never again fall this hard
Let me have all those questions for which i have no answers and explanation
Let me tell my story over and over again though i just finished telling it
Let me have no words suffice to tell the loss, the pain and hurt inside...
When all is said and done...
Let me rise again strong, scarred and dare to love and trust again, ever so deeply and selflessly with the hope that this time we live happily ever after.

4 December 2005

Work In Progress

Do you feel at times like you are under construction? Get to that point where you feel like your life is being renovated? Lately, that's whati have been feeling. I have alot of things goingon inmylife right now. Iam at that poing where am letting go of alot of unstatisfactory and superficial relationships. The kind that i have put up with for fear of hurting other people. Iam that point where am redifinig myself.Who am i, what do i want out of life and why, what do i treasure, what are my successes and failures,where have i been, where am i now and where am i headed and what am i doing towards getting there?
This comes with close scrutiny, planning,setting and reviewing goals that i have set.It also come with reviewing my successes and failures, standards and expectations, gauging and reviewing my life. Looking and trying to understand the lessons i have learnt over time. Reviewing and establishing boundaries, setting and laying groung rules as they say rules help in order, a few dos and dont's for me as well as for others. Realizing how far i can go,when to stay and fight and when to walk away.
Reexamining my spiritual life with regrds to God and church, my participation and roles both play in my life. My physical which has prompted me to start eating healthy and start jogging.My social life, the relationships with family,friends. Especially friends since some friends are for a reason, others a season and others a lifetime now am working on the classification. My emotional and psychological, sorting out all the past hurts, losses, breakups and all other drama that i have at times chosen to ignore hoping that it wil sort itself out, or go away or time will heal. Financially, have gotten a better job thank God , quit dependig on others, investing among other things. Intellectually looking forward to improve self, forever a student, take some language classes, my masters next year and God willing call me Dr. Gishungwa by 30 i believe. Having moved out to live alone after living with friends for a long time truly alot of work, gets lonely at times but am blessed with a good friends.
See all this started with the looming of my birthday, the joys yet the au contraire to popular belief is the realization that i wont be 18 till i die, then again guess its the winds of change.
They say change is as good as rest . With the under construction sign up, my protective gear on am off to embark on this daunting yet necessary task. most grateful that i've got the greatest of all contractors on site... The Almighty God and creator.

15 October 2005

In The Name of Love

The things we do in the name of love. Am not passing judgment over what is right or wrong am just musing over the things that we at times do in this great name. See most of the time the opinion of others doesn’t count we know what we know and that is more than good enough for us. I came p with the following: -
Quit a habit that the other doesn’t approve or like e.g. drinking alcohol or smoking
Start a habit that the other does e.g. the above
Stop hanging out with your crew or friends
Change our dressing and appearances
Participate in past times that we don’t enjoy e.g. watching soccer
Avoid airing opinion that oppose that of the other
Liar Liar pants on fire, telling what the other would rather hear than the truth.
Disbelief vibe about partner from others
Deny ad make excuses for other ‘s wrongs
Get abused and still stay.
Give access to your finances, house etc.
Cancel your plans to do stuff with other.
Move in and play the wife.
Get Jealous, insecure, paranoid and obsess over nothing.
Steal the phone and read the SMS
Calls up those you think are potentials to inform them that you own him.
Spend all your time together
Have unprotected sex coz he wont use protection, it makes him uncomfortable boo hoo
Believe that he will leave the other ad marry you
Change religion/beliefs/principles
Lose or gain weight
Quit work and move to another part of the world or country
Have a baby/get pregnant to tie him/her to you
Spend more that you ca afford so as to impress them

These are some of the ones I came up wit. So what you have done I the name of love?

Counting My Blessings

Allow me to shout out loud and clear
Word so clear yet so dear
With neither reservation not fear
That am truly blessed by God
I have been blessed with life
The joy of seeing the begging of a new day
The sun, streaming through my window
The joy of seeing through the day
Having to experience the day and all that it brings
The mixed feelings of seeing the end
The quiet stillness as the night blankets the earth
Iam blessed with Family and friends
Family, a place, where everybody knows who Iam
Place were am loved regardless
Home where my heart will forever be
Friends the family that I chose myself
People who are my family away from home
People from all over God’s beautiful earth
Some I know and others am yet to meet in person
All who I have come to cherish and grown to love
Each of tem with a special place in my heart
Blessed with enough sorrows to strengthen me
Blessed with enough joys to gladden my heart
Blessed with enough trials to keep me growing
Blessed with conviction to believe and do right
Blessed with enough love to give, and right back at me
Am blessed with so much more than all these
Am even more blessed because you are part of my life

7 October 2005

Will You?

What is a marriage proposal? For me this is the proposition from either of the partners to the other mostly done by the man asking for the consent to partner for life. In my thinking, this is the result of a satisfying relationship for both culminating in changing the status to a more permanent one. How did this come up you wonder?
Case Study One
After DK(not the kikuyu musician) been away for a while traveling on business he comes back to town and as is habit calls me up for a drink so that we can catch up. We have no romantic linking and inklings. He suggests we go to Visions Plaza for nyama at the Maasai meat market. We get there and are sitting at the roof great view if i say so myself.The place is fairly packed, couples mostly. There is a band playing some really good music. We place our orders and get our drinks as we wait for the food. In the meantime we catch up on his travels and I tell of what mischief I have been up to. This guy is one of my boys we can talk about anything we discuss a few chicks as they pass and comment on some guys whom I think are cute. After we eat, as we are just chilling, the DJ announces that there is a guy with a special message for his gal. So I turn to him and the conversation is something like this
Me: *laughing*mjinga mwingine amepatikana some fool is about to propose *turning to look around*
*he laughs*
So I turn to look who that is then when am turning to tell him that the guy got cold feet coz it aint happening I see a brother on one knee. Some lady shouts say yes come on do it say yes and am thinking yes to what. Instantly I freak out, I see lips moving but I can’t hear jack the only thing that I can think of is how can you do this to me? the one thing that goes on and on in my head. Next thing I feel hot on my face, am pissed like hell. Grab my handbag , down the stairs into a cab and off home straight to bed. talk of runaway bride and fear of commitment.
Case Study 2 and 3
In this case both are working out of kenya.Long story short proposed on phone, still no romantic inklings. They are just my friends.

Now I wonder maybe I should be happy but am not. Iam a bit flattered though. I have had proposals before by a couple of people to have babies with them, reason being that they think that am a good person and would make a great mother boo hoo. For me not possible, see I want to get married and have children with a man I love, my best friend someone who I want forever with. I wonder if they understand the seriousness of marriage, that it is forever and that it takes hardwork you work at it everyday.Sadly i dont think of either of the in that way, maybe i have given them the wrong impressions or led them on without my knowledge. Anyway at 23 soon to be 24 (on the 23rd of this month *hint hint*) am too young and marriage is the last thing on my mind right now. I know that there are women who would kill just to have one proposal but I shouldn’t just consent so as not to hurt other peoples feelings.
I don’t know what to feel and think.I am told that when it is right I will know. My resolution is to give myself space and hangout with the boys less maybe make some female friends while am at it.as for you Cupid go aim somewhere else.

13 September 2005

Who AM I?

Past weekend decided to get away from Nairobi to Fisherman's camp in Naivasha. While out there with little to do I decided to find out who Iam. This is what I came back with arranged in no specific order: -
Iam a unique individual, I have my own way of doing things .I over so often try to fit in with people by doing things their way and behave how they expect me to but it ends here.
I would rather be at home watching telly, reading a book in bed with a cup of coffee rather than be out dancing. Don’t get me wrong I love to dance just not every weekend it does get boring.
Iam conservative and traditional, I believe in being a lady which to me means not cursing loudly, talking when I have to
I still believe in the man as being the head of the house regardless of all other factors so I will submit as my mother taught me.
I still believe in one man one woman and that married men belong to someone else thus I have no business there same applies to men with girlfriends.
I would like my man to be first and most important God -fearing, assert himself quietly, strong ambitious understanding and real.
I love jazz, classical music, music of the 40s till early 90s,ospel, country, dislike except or the likes of Susan owiyo, Eric wainaina, harry kimani, mercy Myra, Susan kibukosya and all those vernacular songs.
I love to go for coffee at Java make that a double black no cream or milk and just sit there sipping as I watch people walk by or read a book or magazine.
I love God and church, that is what I knew as I grew up and most precious to me.
I love to go to church on Sunday, sing hymns, dance to choruses, chat after church then after a junk lunch go to Kengeles Nairobi west for the best live band music ever.
I love zilizopendwa the likes of T.P Ok Jazz, simba wanyika, les wanyika etc.
I love to collect and read books and magazines
I love to volunteer the reason I joined rotaract club especially to work with children who are less privileged than Iam. I wish that I could wave a wand and wipe all their troubles away.
I hate to see old people who have been neglected or dumped in a home and forgotten just because they cannot do anything for themselves.
I love antiques; they are precious, old and one of a kind.
I love poetry, it ignites my heart and makes me come alive
I’d rather have a glass of white wine chilled than a crate of beer any day.
I love to meet new people and make new friends, which I do easily.
I love to read and learn new things and iam always looking to improve
I love to cook and try out new recipes and spoil the people I love
I love 100% the kind that no mater what always remains
I know where am coming from and I have ideas about where am going
Family is everything to me.
Still believe in love, magic, miracles and that God has a man and a plan for me.
I love children, they remind me of how simple life used to be when it was either right or wrong, white or black no grey area, innocence and purity.
I would rather have one tulip over a dozen roses any day.
Iam more of a realist than a dreamer.
I care about my reputation, what the society thinks I represent so I watch my behaviour for appropriateness.
I love it when it rains, if I can I get into bed with a book, glass of hot milk or coffee or just sit in bed and watch the raindrops.
As my friend David says Iam a chipaholic (n’one addicted to chips)
All my friends are way older than Iam by at least 4 years.
I get along better with guys rather than with gals.
I love to karaoke yes karaoke and open mic sessions.
I can be moody and unpredictable
I love Afro-fusion the likes of Angelique kidjo, seif keitah, youssor ndour etc
I love to tryout new things and to wine and dine such as Ethiopian at red sea and Brazilian at panari sky centre.
I love theatre and the arts, love to look at paintings trying to figure out what the painter had in mind.
I treasure and love my alone moments. I have learned to depend largely on myself and less on others. I love to take trips alone and just do what I want to do without asking another.
I hate begging, being vulnerable and the feeling of helplessness.
I love to be in control and have standard that are sometimes too high even for me. I hate to fail.
Am proud.
I love the quiet stillness of the night when I can even hear my own thoughts.
I love the great outdoors and enjoy camping out under the sky.
Iam over ambitious and a procrastinator.
I like to standout from the crowd and hate to conform, be just part of the group.
I have learnt from my mistakes and those of others.
I can never be too proud to apologize.
I love to read the bible and think of such.
I love slow music, my taste in music is more influenced by the words and the feelings brought about
I trust easily.
I love action packed movies the likes of Rambo, John Wayne and Jackie Chan just but a few
I can’t stand a man who cries all the time.
I cry in private and rarely in public.
I love to travel to places I have never been to and revisit those that I have been to.
I love weddings, parties, birthdays, Christmas, new year, Valentines day
I dislike exams, tests, gossip and haters
Love sports.
Onmy epitaph: Beloved Daughter and Friend.
I don’t make apologies or excuses for the person that Iam what you see is what you get it can only get better not worse.
Iam made up of several parts: -
The God fearing, always looking to do his will but keep failing
Social, me, try to make everyone at ease around me
Loud me, talks too much, braggart and can be a pain at times
The lady, gracious, considerate and full of manners

my favourite theme song-Sue THomas FBEye

If I live to be a hundredAnd never see the seven wonders
That'll be alrightIf I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a GrammyI'm gonna be just fine
'Cause I know exactly who I am
I am Rosemary's grand-daughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done...
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
So when I make a big mistake
And when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowing...
I will be just fine'Cause nothing changes who I am
I am Rosemary's grand-daughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done...
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
I'm a saint and I'm a sinnerI'm a loser;
I'm a winnerI am steady and unstableI'm young,
but I am able
Iam Rosemary's grand-daughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done...
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of meThat's who I am

To Linette

To Linette aka Keroka who passed away this sunday morning,
a pleasant and warm lady
a country girl just like me
a lady, my friend loved
a lady, i will always love
a lady we will all miss
with thanks for memories shared
To God, owner, Possesor,Disposessor,
He gave, he took, praise to him
you will always be in our hearts
these tears, make bearing it easier
fare thee well our beloved one
seleep well my dear
till we meet again

25 August 2005

Dear Dolly?! aka agoony aunt

Dear dolly,
I want something that is forbidden. Just the realization that i cant have it makes me want it all the more. Please advice.

Eve( pun intended)

23 August 2005

Teach me

Teach me to be humble, coz i know that iam proud
Teach me to be loving to myself, others and you most
Teach me how to be thankful for everything in my life
Teach me ho w to be king and giving
Teach me how to be a friend, sister, daughter and auntie
Teach me how to be like you
Full of compassion and understanding
Full of love even to the unlovable
Teach me to be understanding and tolearant to others
Teach me that i dont know everything
Teach me to be a learner, never to graduate, tha i may learn
Teach me to think of others and not always me, myself and I
Teach me to be secure in all my relationships
Teach me to trustin you and in others
Teach me to have faith and believe even in the unseen
Teach me when to shut up and when to talk
Teach me to tame my tongue, to put a muzzle on my mouth
teach me to say words that build and not those that destroy
Teach me to meditate on noble and pure thoughts
Teach me to be a woman, a proverbs 31:10-end woman
Teach me to be wise and discerning
To fear you and shun evil that i may have knowledge
Teach me to make amends for my sins and give thought to my ways
Teach me courage, to stand for what i believe in
To take the road least taken
Teach me truth, to speak it regardless of circumstances
Teach me my purpose, so that i may do according to your will
Teach me to desire,to do the right thing with intergrity.

Day One of the Rest of my Life

My commitments to Discipline and Growth
o Spend time in solitude everyday
o Read a book for inner growth
o Keep a journal of prayer concerns, questions and reading.
o Focus on thanksgiving , rather than on asking in prayer
o Take an hour to do what I always say I don’t have time to do
o Find a way to sleep early/ sleep in so I get enough rest
o List people with whom I need to be reconciled with. Pray for them and let God guide me ion my thinking and feeling towards them.
o Take control of my life by stopping procrastination and stop caring what people think of me.
o Take one hour to inventory my priorities and plan how I will reorder them.
o Give up a grudge or a rehearsal of a past event.
o Forgive someone who has hurt me.

Outward and Social Promptings
o Take on some loving task
o Write a note of affirmation once a week to a person who has touched my life.
o Listen and respond to Christ’s call to a ministry of service
o Have coffee/lunch with someone I want to know better
o Begin to recycle waste from my home
o Give blood and recall the cross
o Call the AIDS project and ask how I can help
o Say “NO” to something that is a waste of money and time
o Pray to God to help me to resist prejudice and give me the courage in opposing it.
o Decide to become a member of the church and speak to a pastor or lay leader.
o Rebuke the spirit of criticism and my own tongue out of control.
As a way of being accountable; I will share my plan with at least one other person and share with that person my experience.

18 August 2005

Of Kenya Nite

It’s Wednesday evening, looking forward to a quiet night at home, watch Art Scene then ALIAS then a flick. Then the usual conference about everyone’s day and the drama in their lives, with the men and sex taking like 90% of the time as TLC say girls talk. Iam first in the house oh forgot to mention that I live with my 2 girlfriends legally and an open house to our friends on weekends.
Time: 8pm
My best friend who I call my sister saunters in with kelele. Reason for the noise is that her birthday was yesterday and it kinda got forgotten. We sit over a coffee to strategize how to remedy that apart from catch up on our lives.
Time: 8:30
My two housemates walk in, the kelele goes on ati we forgot her birthday, and then a bright idea then and not so bright now emerges. We have been planning to go for Kenya night but haven’t gotten round to doing it. So the sitting committee unanimously agrees that we do it. Now the biggest part, what to wear, its Wednesday, you want to look hot but still fit in if you consider it’s a work night and most people will be in formal wear. Half an hour later which is like record time we are all dressed and good to go. We get one of my gal’s dude to drop us in k2. On our way out my gal in Langata calls saying she’s bored, so we let he in on the plan. Real fast we are on our way to Langata or LA as they call it. Ok from Nairobi West to LA , dude can’t believe it but he’s seen worse. So we get there only to find a chick making chapos ati we took long how! Deal is done I make the chapos, my gal the stew and her she goes to prepare. Lets say the chapos are done and eaten.
Time: 11pm
Outside K2, we swear and make a pact that we will only be there for one-hour two hours tops and thou shalt not drink anything alcoholic. We go up the stairs as we walk in its kinda packed but nicely. Kenya night is strictly Kenyan music all night. We go to our usual spot at the counter near the pool tables across the Dj. On the way we manage to lose a few of us as they stop to meet the people. Shortly here comes the waitress, “ mtakunywa nini?” “Ginger ale, Smirnoff ice, Tusker, double vodka” si I thought no booze yeah right, the party is on the jacket is hanged on a chair and the dancing begins. Now I have to blow my trumpet here, my friends are good at dancing and they know it and flaunt it. The drinks are here amidst acknowledgement from the regulars. The Maina kageni announces that some artist from coast will be performing, score 5/10. Next up Mr. Lenny with his new single and a few old songs, a few Kenyan “celebs” are in so they are mingling with mafans. Then as if it could be worse, my sister is given a 1000bob drinks voucher by Collo courtesy of K2 coz its her birthday, now you tell me. Things just got ugly. The music is super the crowd is on their feet; you would think it’s a Friday the way the drinks are flowing.
Why do some men think that when they flash their titles you will be impressed, you should see the collection of business cards involved.
Time: 1am
The place is kicking everyone including the ginger ale gal has switched to a cold pilsner. By now we have met some guy who claims to work for CNN, a Nigerian who went to get us drinks and has not returned, a Burundian who wants to marry my sister among other drama. Then out of the blues first jamnazi boys na band with “am not sober” then a jaluo song called macelina where the guy sings” marcelina niko na samba dubai” katitu poys pand are on with their number safali ya katitu. “ kisumu tulienda tukarudi, mombasa tukaenda tukarudi with the full instrumental. Now that is where it went wrong, u should have seen the moves. Followed by “kilunda ni kise mbesa kilunda” then mariro then mama kiwinja then some kisii song then sukuma bin ongaro with a luhya number. Please note that during all period you are not allowed to sit.
The crowd went ballistic, the moves you ‘d laughing especially from the people in suits and ladies in heels. From there everything goes downhill.
Time: 4am
Yes as said, one hour later, we are headed home that’s after meeting some luscious man whose details I choose to keep. A woman must have a few secrets. To jeans for a dose of the pizza and some fries then home.
Time: 7am
Want to wake up cant wake up. The smell of coffee( kahawa number 1) wakes a few, hit the shower swear to have quit booze and clubbing that’s until kesho. I wish I was in bed now 5pm cant come too soon, but luckily for me my class is till 12noon can hear my bed calling.
Did I say I have quit?

16 August 2005

Dear Diary?!?!


Day: Friday

Time: 6: 40ish

Venue: Hooters

Am sitting at the said venue, sipping on my cold tale. Is here for one of my club (Rotaract Club of Nairobi Central) events what we all fondly call TGIF (thank God its Friday). This is a time when members are to bond, gossip, cat , dart, do nothing but mainly get to know each other apart from let off any steam,aka rant and rave about the week past, chomoa a plan for the weekend or at times a Friday plan e.g. my fave New jack swing. FIY New Jack Swing as they say is about when carnivore was called vouras, when wacko jacko was black, bobby brown was clean etc. ooohh 3rd Friday of every month.
The place is not so packed, the Dj is doing his thing on the turntable. From some deadly old school funkies, you can tell whos over 23 since they seem to know the lyrics by heart. Musta have had the songbooks back then.
More people stream in then the greetings are exchanged which range from a simple handshake, a hug (single/double), 2 kiss/3 kiss, a kiss then hug ... The ladies are looking all fresh and combosed yes they gat combosure must be the prior visit to the little girls room the things that are not in those handbags. The men hhmmmmm, suits, loose ties or none, shirtsleeves folded till midway between the elbow and the wrist. fashion statement sio.
Am informed there’s' going to be a pool challenge so we are being grouped into amateurs and pros. Yours truly takes the first game (amateur) then halfway gets bored and hands over to the pros. Back to my sina taabu, my tale baridi at hand and all is well with me. am looking around sourcing for someone to tell tales with. Then a cute guy (good) with a chick looks tight (bad) hen the shinning bling , yeah married(ugly) so bummer . The frotho flows. The music is getting better he’s been playing soul, east african music , mugiithi, vyone chakachaka tis bliss.
Time 11pm
Off to Langata Shopping Center to the joint Psys formerly known as Size bar. The crowd super strictly over 27 . The music old, really good the kind that makes you want to do a quick shabadoo. Am with company doing old moves and having a ball. With the occasional (ok a lot of) hugs and bonding now that we are at the entrance and can see who’s coming in.
Then th ususal endless rous, laughter, dancing. Now dancing, there are those who cant(zero coordination), those who shouldn’t ( its dangerous), those who can (potential with practice and few videos) and those who can and they know it (showoffs). A few beers, a few dance moves and hugs later tis time to go home. Few is used relatively here.
Funny/Strange how:-
sses so quickly when you are having fun.
Everyone is friendly and tight at the pub and cold nd distance elsewhere
Everyone is generous with rous when drunk
Some men still think that one beer=2 shotis( go figure)
Everyone looks fly after a few beers.
Men are always willing to give a ride home especially if you are female
Confessions of undying love and loyalty come so easy
You know the lyrics to every song and the dance moves without missinga beat.
Jeans Nairobi west- the pizza is super at 3 or 4am but tastes like crap during normal hours.
Gospell hits in bars and clubs the likes of kuna dawa and akisema atakubariki, akorino have nothing on the walevis.
You find strnge numbers in your phonebook with strange names like mr.x, cockpit, maybe.
When those mugiithi, kao or kisii songs play the classy chiqs are the ones who can get dance better than chiqs of shags and mboches. Uptown kitu gani.

5 August 2005

Mr. Right

At the risk of sounding like I never know the reason for anything in my life. I must first say that am still as joyful to the extent where am humming to myself, find myself dancing even at the bustop. I will let you all know how the joy cometh forth as soon as I find out.
Yesterday, I learnt something that I guess I have known but been denying for a long time. I am actually not pissed in fact all the more joy and bliss continues. I think must be the realization that it won’t work, see the truth is am commitment phobic. How do I know that? Every time am in a really good relationship and all is well, suddenly it is like the unspoken command to self-destruct. I will normally do everything I can to sabotage I t.
Then I got to thinking, (must be the bio-clock been ticking again) they say that there is a person especially for everyone. That destiny/fate/cupid/God or whatever it is that you believe in has a person just for you. A partner, one who is supposed to be like the other missing half piece of the jigsaw puzzle? Dreamily, one who will accept you just as you are (scary thought) since we at times don’t know who we are.
The “perfect” partner for you or me. One who makes you laugh when low/blue/sad, one who knows exactly what to say, how to say is and when to say it. The one who loves you just as you are. The one who sparks fire in you. One who awakes both your brains and your loins. The one who makes your toes curl (don’t ask wont tell). You know, the one whose perks and smirks are just right. The person of your dreams (no wonder you never meet them)
Then again, am the realistic type hardly believe in romance and love, prefer tulips to red roses any day. Despite that I have loved truly once when I was younger. Now I think that my ideologies, beliefs and the mother of them all experience get in the way of cupid’s arrow. I cant say that I have been around long enough o prove the theory right or wrong. All I know about men from my experience and that of others (read gal talk) is that some are worth it and others aren’t (another blog, another day).
They say that you have to kiss a few frogs before you reach prince charming (the gals that is the men don’t know yet). Now I wonder how few is few and why cant I just get straight on with the so called prince charming you know cut the suspense and drama.
I have had my fair share of men each one of them has taught me something and helped me to discover something about myself that I didn’t know before. For that and other reasons best not told here (hey a gal must have a secret), no hard feelings.
I have learnt among others though that: -
God and my parents are the only people I can truly depend on.
I love me too much and enjoy my own company
I don’t need a man to define who iam I do that pretty well by myself.
I know what I want, how to get me so watch me get it
I am beautiful, intelligent, mumeru woman with all the curves in check with a lot to offer and any man is lucky to have my company.
Like wine am getting better with age.
I know when to stay and fight and when to walk away.
Still I cant wait to see what cupid / God has in store for me *ROFLOL* u know the man
I get to grow old with.
Patience is not my greatest virtus so till then I shall be at the pond…

My Toes

Being one of those who like to take photos of their toes here goes

2 August 2005

Joy oh Joy

Am having one of those moments when you suddenly have a burst of joy. I mean joy, a bubbling feeling from deep in your abs. Moment of pure bliss when nothing can ruin it, i mean nothing. Point when the world and everything in it is prettier, more beautiful, the colors shine brighter. When you just cant smile you beam, i mean one of those ear to ear grins.You smile at strangers and ask how they are doing. Suddenly all is well with the world. The reason for this temporary insanity and bliss ,am not really sure or is it hormones , guess will never know huh!.
See the thing is i dont care why, how ,when what, which for me all that matters is that am happy and it feels great.this is like the bestest(if there is a word like that)feeling ever.If only this feeling could be bottled up and sprayed forth each time you need to experience it.then again it wouldn't be that good and half the joy is inthe spontaneity of the whole experience.
All i want to do is sing and be merry, shout out loud, stand on the roof and let the world know that am happy am happy happy happy( you now the song). This is pore euphoria, bliss tis a whole new level.
I love it.

Psalm 23 (in kikuyu)

Jehova Ngai ni we muriithi wakwa
Ndire kidu ingeaga kiega
Andiithagia kuria kwi nyaki nduru
Na mae maria mena uhuruko
Nianjoyaga ngoro yakwa yashusheka
Akandingoria na njira cia ma
Ona ingegerera mukuruini wa gikuo
Ndingitigira uuru wowothe
Tudu wina nie
Thimbo yaku na mutirima waku ni ci ngiragiriria
Niunjaragira metha mbele ya tho ciakwa
Niunjitiririe maguta mutew, gikombe giakwa nikiihuririre
Matuko makwa mothe maria ndi muoyo
Ndituraga na wega na utugi
Nangatura o nyumba ya Jehova Njikare kou tene na tene

Quiet Time- time tolisten

This is one of my favorites though I don’t know who wrote it.
Luke 10:38-42
Lord, I had asked you
To teach me…
And then I’d gone my way
I had never listened

I had sought your advice
And then I’d leaned on my own …
I had never listened.

I had yearned for your presence
And had talked on and on…
I had never listened.

Now I stop,

Now your voice
As I listen.

1 July 2005

Iam at crossroads in my life now
I have a faint clue how i got here
Though am not really sure how and when
Days have turned into a month and one into many

Just when i thought that i stood firm, i fell
Iam filled with thoughts both positive and negative
It started with the denial, followed by excuses
Time has taught me to accept the reality

The reality, Iam out of work, jobless
After the schooling, shhort gig, the excuses
I accept that iam jobless, out of work
Humorously, Iam a domestic manager

How can i find humor you ask in all these?
How can you not find humor in all these?
How long canthis self-pity last?
How long can i hide from the truth?

Easy, When you come to self-realization
A point of self-reconciliation and acceptance
of who iam, what i have and where iam
A point of decisionmaking and action

I choose to mop around no more
I will get up and get a job if its the last thing i do
I will get back to school and educate myself
i will dream, hope, believe and achieve all i can
Because i know that i can do it
Even more i am a believer in the Almighty God and
I have put all that iam/ ever be in Him.

To be upset over what you don't have is a waste of what you do have.

Like Spring, a Rebirth, a Whole New World

New love, new friendship is like the bloom of spring
A new beggining, new page,fresh start,clean slate
Another chance to do better than the last
Another chance to exercise lessons learned
Like Spring, a Rebirth, a Whole New World

The beauty and perfection of spring's bloom
Like the mustard seed soon grows to be big
So the new friendship or new lovein our lives
The high hopes, expectations,dreams and fantasies
Like Spring, a Rebirth, a Whole New World

The time spent together, the Quality time
the longing,just cant seem to be soon enough
the thoughts, constantly in the mind
Nolstagia, filled with the look,the touch,the smile
Like Spring, a Rebirth, a Whole New World

The the racing heart just at the hearing of his voice
The head up in the clouds, pure bliss
The small actsand deeds, mean so much
The laughter,lasting impressions,evrything glitters
Like Spring, a Rebirth, a Whole New World

Leave a Mark

I want to leave a mark
A mark in someone's life
Doesn't have to be a friend am close to
or family, siblings,relatives
or neighbours i live next to
I just want to leave a mark

I want to leave a mark
An everlasting mark
A mark that cannort be erased
Cannot be forgotten,
always there for all to see
I just want to leave a mark

I want ot leave a mark
A distinct mark
a true sign of having been there
A mark like no other, a special one
the only one of its kind
I just want to leave a mark

I want to leave a mark
In everyone's life that i come across
every life that iam priviledged to touch
To share something new and fresh
I just want to leave a mark

I want to leave a mark
A mark of love,not of my own
But God's pure, unconditional love
To touch even the coldest of hearts
to ignite them with God's love
I just want to leave a mark

30 June 2005

Of freebies and Promotions

It was inevitable that i would rant and rave about this. Whats with people and free things and that sadly includes me. In the same line of thought whats with those companies with their endless campaigns taunting and tempting freebie-loving individuals like me? My grievance arises for the fact that despite continously participating in their endeavours am yet to win. Remember Mavuno Kenya Mzima, Weka Thao Ushinde, Ponyoka na Pickup I & II even good old charity sweepstake, win a holiday (2 night for two), Maisha ni Poa Competititon etc.

How come all i ever seem to win is the shoot the bug and win a ipod that i gave up waiting for and some lottery that i won online just that i had to give him money to clear the cheque and some bank account haha fat chance.
I must concede though that there are times when it has been worth the while like the terrific tuesday buy one pizza get another free, Free hotdog with every 1000bob fuel, buy 1/4 chicken and get the other free but still i end up paying for it one way or another. Honestly who always has 1000 bob to fuel then again there is a bar of soap for every 500bob fuel still most people fuel 200 bob so there should be a gift for that too say like frequent fueler prize.
Is that Lady Luck or the forces that be do not remember me? Or are some people just plain luckier than others? What is the secret to winning?


who am i? why be a gashungwa when you can be the real thing the Gishungwa, the difference the former is small the later is big.
I enjoy reading but even more writing on a variety of topics, either in prose or poems or haphazardly( there been waiting to use that word in a sentence). I love to use big words (as jack of will and grace would say 10 dollar words) such as kusambaratika, swahili word for disintergration.
I enjoy the shakespeare language of thou thee doth and pray kinda reminds me of naomba in Tanzania( a whole new blog).
Will keep updating on the any new things about meself.
thank thank.