19 February 2006


I have realized that i have within me the ability to face/handle and overcome/deal with whatever this world/life/destiny/fate may throw my way. My mother taught me that i can get anything that i desire. The only condition is that i have to want it bad enough and be willing to work for it then i can have it.She said anything which is how i have taken and always believd in.Now part of this anything is a big pain in my derriere : men.I have always thought and with few disappointments that i can get any man that my heart wants only that i must want him really badly. Now this is not too bad except th i seem to fancy what most people would call arrogant men. The hard nuts (no pun intended) to crack, must be the challenge of the chase and figuring them out. I simply love the quiet type the ones no one can figure out, the ones who seem hard to get except MBAs ( married but available). On the other hand i also love being the one that got away tis true your money can buy me anything but that dont mean that it can get you my affection.
In the few years that i have dated, taken the plunge, allowed cupid the priviledge of messing with my brains and hormones i know that i want a man but i know that i dont need one.i know how far i can go as far as getting a man is concerned. Tis true some are worth chasing tall the way to Timbuctu and i do agree with Guess that there are alot of good men left just not good for me. I like to be realistic and ask for that which even i know that i can give. The person must be just as willing as i am to put up with some of te things i do like foreign films with english subtitles, karaoke, live bands, sports among others some as strange as >d feeling up mannequinns.
Some of the joys of being alone is the fact that i can have my cake and eat it too, i get to choose my party and leave at my will. In this relation looking back at the things that i have done in the name of love, i know that this time i must do better. i know for sure i am nobody's booty call its either all or nothing which as at now am not ready for as Milo put it single but not willing to mingle. Till then I I I have my life to live. So may options so little time...

5 February 2006

Dear You

These words couldn't put it better:-
I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not here
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not here

Aint reality a b*ach. I have been fighting reality for a while now. I thought that i was strong and could walk away if i chose to then the B*ACH got me so am sitting at my usual lunch joint ALL HAIL KENCHIC and ALI'S on the easy having my usual bhajias then the thought comes creeping on me. See i have not seen you in a while now partly intentional partly just cant get myself to call but have sent you a text In that while i must admit that i have kept the whole things at the back and chose to forget or ignore or whichever.I thought that i had dealt with my feelings for you. I miss you just that simple i miss you, your company just the way i can talk to you about anything from sex to God. I love the way i know the side that many dont know my very own doctor eh baba vipi hiyo dose. Cant believe i thought that you were some arrogant SOB only to get to know you, your dreams,your fears,your hopes,the plans for that beach house at 60 you know my number still the same so hola. The times when you woke me up at 2am to do your confessions and declarations, you have no idea how much it touched me that you would let the shield down and let me see you at your lowest, that you would let me hold you that you knew you can tell me anything. How you shared your disappointments,worries and drama (my lips are sealed) and the juiciest of pasts that i have come to know so far.I remembering from the first dance to all the dances hukos in live band you trying to outdance me how plus the full bango classes. I love the way you stood up to me i mean just in my face get pissed if you want to but you always were the first to tell me if i was tripping. Remember the tender, dont think we are advertising it anyday soon think the committee will be out on this one. The drama, the suspicion then the way we worked together to fix that, the bible study and sharing about God. The farmiliarity,you know how i like my things and do right by me. For putting up with me that darl was a feat since even i know who i am. Sometimes i wonder if i have done the right thing but maybe its better this way.What iam saying is that i miss you. Just that i Miss you.