17 November 2006

The Stirring : Change

Why does change take so long?. You know undoing a wrong habit. They say that it takes 21 days to form a habit. I keep feeling that all round am taking 3 steps forward and 15 backwords. Seems like i just cant hold on till the 21st day like onthe 18th day i have to start all over again. I have realized that change results from hardwork, focus and discipline.
Enter my new theme song: One day at a time. Looking carefully at myself then i know there is alot to be done and its easier to start today.Part of the changes is in changing the ideologies that i grew up with.
I love God and all that pertains to him. I thoroughly enjoy being part of a church. Iam one of those who grew up in church literally am as presbyterian as they come. My folks were elders and held positions in church, attended every step of church from baptism to sunday school to brigades(high school) to youth then dropped out. Though most things i learnt then still hold true i must admit that some things i have to rid myself like ideologies about other religions like christianity being a superior religion. I have learnt to live with other people and objectively discussing our beliefs in whatever they regard and deity. That doesnt mean that i agree with them but that we agree to disagree. I have also found a church where i feel at home and where my needs are catered for. I have noted with concern that there are times in my life that i have felt truly connected to God and totally nsync. Then the moments when i feel like He has turned his back on me. Have you ever tried to pray and you feel like your prayer is just rehearsed poetry. You know you were taught to start with gratitude, repetance, supplction, ask him that his will prevails and statement of faith right? Am tired and i know that there must be another way to do this. A while back i heard the stor of the person who wrote a prayer and stuck it on the wall and everynight they would say outoud before snoozing, Lord there and point to the prayer.I am not any different. So i have gone back to writing my prayers in my journal since then i have noted that am more honest and straight up.
Never thought my life had so many departments so this is the beggining. I figure if i sort it out with God the rest will be easier to handle.
This is so appropriate: Ressurection By Nicole Smith Sponberg
I am at a loss for words
There's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and so cold
Where did that passion go?

When all my efforts seem like changing the wind
Ive used up all my strength and theres nothing left I can give
I've lost the feeling, and I'm numb to the core
Can't fake it anymore

Here I am, at the end
I'm in need of resurrection
Only you can take this empty shell
And raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world
What seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in your hand
And make me whole again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
you raise your hand and calm the waves of the raging seas
you have a way of turning winter into spring
make something beautiful out of all this suffering



  1. The stirring. i like this new look, well it is girlie.. yeah.. oh but i thought you were a tomboy. ish you gon soft on me!!!

  2. Be gentle with yourself, it WILL fall into place :-)

  3. Potash, every day i try to be a lady but it aint me so i do what i can.
    Not yet soft.
    Jade,am trying hope it does soon. this waiting is gon kill me.

  4. Undoing a bad habit does take forever. But the payback is very much worthwhile. Like you, there are some habits that I am also working on undoing. At least I can say that the ongoing no-soda rule that has held in place for 9 months now is my biggest accomplishment yet. 1 down, several to go...

    Keep stirring.

  5. Your blog looks msupuulicious:-)
    About prayer becoming poetry, don't sweat it. God will still listen even if it sounds like a rhyme from the past:-)At least you are not like the dude with a prayer stuck on the wall!

  6. Gal!Your look is ladylicious. Wewe potash!MMh

  7. Hey Gish... waddup? guess yu are going thro the so-called internal war with self. It's called soul searching and aint nothing bad with it. it helps us come up with answers to the questions of life. all i can tell yu is to keep on and be strong. God listens whether yu say a prayer, sing a song, recite prayer as poetry.. whatever! He just listens as long as it is sincere and yu have faith.
    Hope yu doing much better now. Hit me up.. we can talk.

  8. I'd relate it with any long term relationship, there are good seasons and bad ones. God understands so be yourself, don't limit your prayer life to strict rules, it ends up being stiffling and boring routine.
    Pink is the colour of...

  9. egm, em thinks all the work is worth it at the end.Keep it up.
    chatterly, thank thank.
    shiroh, thank you wachan na potash i will sort him out
    kymmbr,i hear that. will do
    Aegues, having found direction am keeping to it.
    mwasjd, i have learnt to treat prayer like conversation. Pink is the color of a Lady in the making LOL
    Thanks y'all