14 November 2008


A while back i made a list of the things that i wanted in a man. This list is in two categories, what i need him to have(very important) and what i want him to have(negotiable). Then i wrote a list of what i have to offer at the moment. I was going through my journal from 2006 and yes its official as much as things have changed, they have also remained the same. It seems that i still haven't learnt much about relationships save for being wary of being in one.
It seems to me that with time am more hesitant to take heart related risks. I met someone and for a minute i allowed myself to think of what can be? Unfortunately that lasted all of that minute and soon my head, as it usually does, took over and started rationalizing everything that was going on. While i love the freedom that comes with being alone , i am not keen on the loneliness that creeps in with being alone. Within the past month, i the took a friend to bury a man she had loved for five years. The pain in her eyes and the cry from deep in her soul had me wondering if it is all worth it. Yet in the same time we crossed borders so that a friend could meet the parents of a man she thinks is it. The joy and endless laughter, how she lights up when she talks of him has me thinking maybe, just maybe its all about finding that person.
I have been thinking, am not good at this dating/relationship thing. Someone close to me once claimed that he is not boyfriend material and i got to thinking what makes one relationship material? Is it the ability to stay and press on even when things look glum? Is it the ability to communicate effectively and honestly? J says that my bug is that i date/love like a man, dunno what it means so i can't explain. So here we go again, two steps forward eight steps back. And no, its better not to yearn than to yearn at all.


  1. You probably freak commitments. I do too. Most of my friends are also in serious relationships and am left hanging. Dont worry, am sure there will be someone

  2. fun in the pursuit too? i would take that over any and all heartbreak that i have been through, i still seek, hoping to find.

  3. Being single and being in a relationship both have their advantages and disadvantages.

    A person is only relationship material if they choose to be. Making a relationship work and staying committed takes hard work. If a person is willing to put in some hard work then they are ready for a relationship.

  4. Two guarantees in life- that you will pay taxes and you will die one day. Everything else .....can go either way. You could find the perfect guy, be in a relationship that all wish they had and he could walk out of his house and get hit by a car , on the other hand you could refuse to be in a relationship and watch the perfect person for you live his life without you sharing it for another 70 years.

    I think that true love is staying even when things may look glum (within reason!!!!another woman on the side does not count as glum that i outright wrong)- why do I think one should stick through the glum? Love is long suffering among other things. (kind, does not hard, is not selfish etc,etc)

    Is this a post? I think it is.

  5. I stick to my theory that everyone in life has different paths. Some meet people early, some like us take a little longer.

    I suppose this is what faith is...

  6. Cliche but true. You're ready for a relationship when you're ready...

    As to being relationship material, I guess it boils down to the person you commit to eventually, that's why people you never think of fall in love and get married.

    I have no idea what makes a relationship, but I envy those people who stay on when things get tough, co I run.

  7. I hear you all when you talk of commitments, timing and fear. I am learning that i am the kind that wants guarantees that the other person will try. I think better to let things take their course than to try and force things.

  8. Most people are relationship material if they are in a relationship with someone they are compatible enough to compromise on the issues that arise in their relationship.

    Maybe you do love like a man - which means you do not let yourself get emotionally attached first before evaluating using logic the path of your love / relationship life.

    I say if it comes to you let it through but never force any relationship on yourself just for the sake of it.

  9. Damn girl....this has got me thnking so hard.

    To be honest, just enjoy being who you are at the moment. Single or not, memories are what you make them to be.

  10. LOL...I just had to laugh at this cuz I can totally relate. It's ironic that everytime you meet a man who has a lot of the things you need, he always has one thing that you swore you would never stomach in a man. My question though is, at what point do you stop being picky and just settle? I hate that thought. And now that I'm single again, I'm back to my old ways. Damn!h

  11. I would have loved to leave a wise comment regarding your post but I would be deceiving you if I claimed to have any astuteness in these matters. Keep the faith...I believe it leads to good things.

  12. SisBigBones has just asked a question that I have always asked ...at what point do you stop being picky and just settle?...
    Otherwise girl, you and I are on the same page.just questions, uncertainities and all that!

  13. Sista - Huyu ndiyo Mjama for you Apenji..

    The trick is in the intellectual curiosity - if you find a guy who can match that as well as bring out your ultra ego once in a while.

    Merry Christmas.