3 November 2010

Heart Matters.

A while back Sisbigbones asked  at what point do you stop being picky and just settle? I figure you don't you do life and it happens when it happens, because when i stopped looking is when i found him. Funny how our definition of love changes as we mature and so does the perception of the perfect mate. When i was younger ;) i would worry about how the man looks, dresses, what would my friends think of him etc etc. Now i find that those qualitities have changed in that he gets more slack for not being perfect and my expectations are more realistic vis a vie the heroine in Mills & Boon novels i used to read. 

I find that that am keen to understand his beliefs, value systems and most of all relationship with God. For me its a big deal that the person have a relationship and believe in God plus prayer. They don't have to be strict church goer since am more of an e-follower aka the Lord's secret service.
Aside: A guy was  coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed him by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
He replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”
Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t “see you except at Christmas and Easter?”
He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

I digress, but am also keen on his background, who are they and where do his come from. I want to know what are his plans  and what he is doing to achieve those plans. I am curious as to what is his stand on children, abortion, marriage, home ownership, role of the woman in the family, career/business/entrepreneurship, retirement, politics etc, Its not just about having someone to call my own its about friendship, companionship and dependability. The ability to have a conversation without worrying about being judged or a need to be always correct and/or sound sharp. Just to say whats on your mind and have another person critique, laugh, correct or just be silent.

Then there is Sex, the ability for both partners to say what makes them happy and how they want it. Mutual satisfaction is key as we all know the 80-20 rule,when the sex is great its 20% of the relationship and when it sucks its 80%.For some its the ability of the other person to respect the others wishes such as the choice to wait for a while or till marriage before being intimate. Its more of quality than quantity. 

Lastly there is no easy relationship you work at it everyday and it doesn't stop. Love, friendship,  compromise and forgiveness make it easier. For me it giving and treating your partner as you would yourself. Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.


  1. Great post. I also don't think one settles as they mature, it's more like priorities change.

    Growing up, I was so fixated on the 6 foot plus man, and as shallow as this sounds, it oft trumped character.
    As you go through superficial relationships, I think one gets to really refine, and define what they're looking for in a mate, and more often than not, character will trump the physical hence the outside appearance of settling.

    Great post Gish!

  2. @Kellie, thats why its great to wait till you know better. Character will always trump the physical appearance. Thanks for passing through.

  3. Wish you every hapiness in your relationship!

    As you say, one must be ready to work on it. I'd still like to hold out on tall though ...

  4. Where went Sisbigbones! Off to search.