I want to Run Away

by Karen C Vanderlaan

sometimes, life is just tough.....

I want to run away,

Just be gone – check out

I long to hide away

And bury my head in my hands

To just cry until I am all cried out

Done - no tears left

Cry till all the sad is gone



I wish for long, long hours to sleep

To rise only to return and slip back

between sheets that never cooled

I desire the sleep of no interruption

Till all the exhaustion has lifted

From my heavily laden eyes



But… none of this will I do

I will get up each day the crack of dawn

I will continue the endless motions

That make this life of mine work

Putting one foot in front of the other

Over and over again

Aaaarrgh

Dunno how to explain this but am just full of jumbled up emotions.I hate this ride, sometimes feeling vulnerable,insecure,unsure and others feeling like the luckiest woman alive.Today am at the bottom.
I take friendships very seriously. My close friends i can count on one hand. I have the habit of keeping people at arms length and not getting so attached but when i do its hook, line and sinker. The distance will normally help when i need to walk away, am one of those who when i walk i just keep at it. I hate it when a supposed friend who knows i posses a certain quality exploits it. I will most often take loads of crap, point it out to you to rectify if the said manners persist then i will walk away. I think sometimes its better to leave early than to wait until it is so bad this way there is at least a chance that we can be courteous to each other when we meet.
I try my best to be a good friend and get very disappointed when it feels like the effort is one-sided. At this point i will be forced to do a cost-benefit analysis which often results to me counting my losses and aborting the mission. Right now, there's an ongoing audit. I know that should i choose to walk away from this, it will hurt like hell yet part of me is sure that we will be ok.