16 February 2007

The Mlolongo Saga...

Once upon a time during Easter break and i was home alone seeing that i was on duty that holiday so no chance of Rendezvous right?. Wrong! Being a Sunday i decided to go
make peace with God an sincerely pass time. I am as presbyterian as they come and
you now know that our service will start at 1100hrs and end somewhere after
1300hrs that is after the greeting and how-do-you-dos then i would find stuff to
do. So all dolled out in my church clothes, i sauntered to church. There is
always a problem when you are looking goo and you know it. So much so that when a
brother hollered the hips especially got a like of their own. So he steeped up and
unleashed vibe and seeing that i was running later i asked him to give me his
number and i would call him after church.
After church, back in the crib am all bored so i holler at the brother and he
says he will be by to pick me up. So we decided to go for Nyama Choma and then
watch soccer, after careful consideration it was decided whilst we were already
on Mombasa Road that we should go watch it at Mlolongo some place he knew. Next
stop, The Kraal, and there was small talk, soccer, one nyama, one beer two beer
many. At around 1800hrs we agreed that we had better head back seeing that we had
had quite a number so we headed back. Now on the way, he asked to stop at a place
and i obliged so i was left in the car whilst he went in name of the place,
Continental Bar and Lodging. I figured he had to answer mother natures call. So we
drive on for like 10 mins and see a place called Tops that seemed to be kicking
and we agreed to have one last one. So after the one last one, we headed back to
the car then she was driving heading from whence we had come so i asked him to
stop at some petrol station. We are sitting in the car arguing over where he
thinks he is going when he mentions in passing that he had booked a room. First i
grab my bag and get out of the car. Drama begins as we start to argue, insults
are hurled back and forth. Luckily, there are cops around who intervene and ask
us to get into the car and leave and the follow their own advice. So this guy
passing by asks if he can take me "home" of course after the whole story has been
told and i thank hi and decline. By then am hysterical, i am cussing at him and
he is trying to calm me down then he gets fed up and asks me what did i expect
that it was all for free. In my head" kwanza nikakushukua nyubani tena na gari
yangu, arafu nimekununuria nyama tena shoma, arafu umekura na ugari na kashumbari
tena iko na firifiri, arafu nimenunua pobe tena baridi aaaah shuma rasima irare
dani..". Clearly that was not in the agenda for me so the argument went on as if
on cue the cops were here. We were bundled in the back of the police Lorry. Now i
sobered up, after i was done crying, i called R, who is my godson's daddy.Oh he was higher than me and in a pub that was so noisy...
Gish: hi, i have been busted by cops and they are taking us to Mlolongo police
R: ati (laughs ) wacha ujinga (laughs some more)
(he passes the phone to his cousin)
J: ati Mlolongo uko sure (laughs)
(back to BD)
R: uko mlolongo sawa basi kesho asubuhi (laughs ) enjoy!
By then we are the police station. MOre drama i stand the sight of him almost
made me regurgitate. So the process of being logged in began, Ladies first, mark
you i was in a skirt, heels and shawl. So the contents of my bag were logged in
then was asked to remove my shoe, that didnt work well so they let me keep both
seeing that i limping by then more sober than a judge. So we were shown to our
humble abode, some office converted to hold female offenders seeing that it was
peak season and the cells were full. Once locked up safely, the sharing began
what were you doing and in the process my story was told. "(in a kao accent)Ati
alikulipia condinendal ukakataa, loom za one thousand? asi"
Much later when the cops were bored, i was called out and given an update.
Apparently, dude mentioned that i was the girlfriend. It didnt help either that
all the cops that night were Merus, so i was told that the dude aka bwana yako
had a lot of money since he had logged in USD 300 and some Kshs.25K and they went
on and on and on. After that i was escorted back to the cell and allowed to use
my phone. I never knew you can sleep whilst standing, so shortly it was morning.
We were called out two of us to sweep outside after which "tea" was served
clearly i wasn't going to take it. Whilst peeping out i was the ever familiar
plates and two figures emerge. The rescue team was here. So we had to wait for
the OCS who came and did the roll call. Now here he calls out your name, you
answer sir! when he got to me he asked which college i was in and i lied. Then
with an evil grin sarcastically asks," Walikutoa kwa darasa laughter>eh?"
After what seemed like eternity i was called out and went to some office for
processing. We were made to sit next to each other really close then signed off
and let to go. So i get out R&J make me stand in sun so that i can rid myself of
the smell of the cell. Shortly, this guy walks up to me and introduces himself as
the Dude's brother then proceeds to ask if i knew that dude was married and am
like NO. he gives his apologies and we leave. After that fed, caned, taunted,
taken home and made to swear that next time i want nyama so bad i will call them.


  1. That's pretty awful. Pole sana, gish! However, the way you wrote made it all sound quite funny:)

  2. That is wicked!!! just coz a dude, a married one at that, buys you nyam chom it's definite that he will be rocking you all night?Gosh!!! So sorry that you had to spend time in a cell :-(

  3. Mshairi & Chatterly, thanks for visiting. I was young then clearly now i know better. Funny now wasnt funny then.

  4. Ati the dude mentioned "in passing" that he'd booked a room? Ati "maliza hiyo fobe twende!" ??? Alaa?

    Gish my dear, now your two pals R & J, those guys are too much! Their antics have really cracked me up! Better make sure you "revenge" in a similar manner when the opportunity arises someday.

    Well its good that you can look back at this experience and laugh about it now, but I know it wasn't a laughing matter then. Some of us have found ourselves at the back of a police landcruiser at one point or the other, and I know I wasn't smiling then! But now even when I run into the cops, we all laugh about it. Surprisingly.

  5. Aegeus, a lesson we learn more sooner than later.
    Archer, you have no idea am yet to revenge but am still waiting for my chance.I must admit that they are the best still. Its never funny until after the whole saga is done.

  6. I laughed at you coz its funny now. Pole sana about the ordeal kwani the guy thought kuta vitus are for like cheap as how? Woi Ma Richi twende Coast Nite tukajioshe.

  7. Sounds like a nightmarish ordeal!! Pole!! That dude is shameful for assuming you would sleep with him just cause you were kicking it with him!!

  8. LNSOL! pole i just have to laugh. me i cheka when people have issues like these. plus i'm chekaing coz that 'sleeping while standing' reminded me of when i fitfully slept 'half-board'...yaaani at any one time half my body was on the floor. kama sio mgongo ni miguu. and the chai was nice.

    pole. i guess you can't trust anyone, wherever they be at. watu wa kanisa ndio wabaya zaidi. i wouldn't be surprised when i get to hell and see everyone i sat next to in church. wale wa bar wako heaven.

    L at those kaos who shangad that you refused to swach at continental.

  9. Auwiii.....was that the same Easter break us guys were shikwad by Flying Squad cops, and taken to some cops stn on Mombasa Road that's between some huge bdngs, didn't even know it existed. Pole for your ordeal, tho it does sound funny when you tell it like that. As for that 'brother' shidwe!!!

  10. My ndear!!! You certainly had an interesting night! Now u can say you're a certified jail bug!

  11. pole na ahsante kwa vicheko...

  12. Kweri iko watu! That dude surely takes the cake for sheer arrogance. Pole siste but you seem to be over it and the way you put it was very humerous

  13. Haki I haven't laughed that hard in a looooong time! Expecially the kashumbari, and firifiri bit..,.. haiiii, someone slap me, my ribs huuurrtt!! I hope you're over that experience. Next time, call your buds, you're safer with them...

  14. Aki I have chekad! Its safe to laugh now ama?

  15. LOL!!mami this story still cracks me till today!guys thot i was loosing it coz im cracking up at jobo!!!
    enyewe weve been thru it it!them days!tugekora