27 June 2007

Love or Lust?

In the words of Dr. John H. Sklare, knowing if you are in love is easy for some but difficult for others. I also have a strong professional inkling that, since this is a feelings type of question, it’s an issue that we men struggle with more than women do. Let me begin this discussion, however, with a simple statement that I always use to help people think this love question through. I think there are basically two reasons why people are drawn together. If I can be so bold as to greatly oversimplify, it’s either because of want or it’s because of need. In my opinion, relationships based on want are the happiest and most satisfying. Those that are based on need tend to be more emotionally volatile and a lot less gratifying. In short, love is healthiest and at its very best when it is framed around two people who want to be together.

Another issue that makes this difficult arises when one tends to confuse love with lust. There are definitely some tangential elements of love involved in lust, but lust is primarily a physical longing, whereas love is a much deeper and comprehensive emotional experience. In short, lust is often what draws people together, but it’s love that keeps them there. Love involves a deep and genuine respect and caring that only comes after you get to know that other person very well over time. On the other hand, since lust is primarily a physical matter, it doesn’t demand any personal knowledge of that other person at all, and it certainly doesn’t require respect or commitment. I believe that you know it is love when you truly think of that other person as a dear friend that you can’t imagine life without and would gladly, as they say, take a bullet for. Love is about the daily realities of respect, commitment and compatibility whereas lust is a much more fleeting experience that takes place more in one’s fantasy life than one’s real life. So, I suggest you ask yourself whether you need this person in your life or you truly want this person in your life. If you can’t bear the thought of not having this person in your day and you want to spend the rest of your days together, I suggest it’s time to admit that love is in the air! So what do you think? Is it love or is it lust? Only you know the answer to that question!

15 comments:

  1. ha we need to bond sawa {{{{}}}}

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  2. spidey/tato
    do i smell a manage a trois LOl

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  3. This is a question with a vast array of answers...it is true what you say about love born of want...lust is indeed what draws you together, but after that what next...hence respect...and caring for another...compatibility etc...in fact i fail to see what to discuss...you nailed this one on the head! ...sis, now i know someone is in love! heheheh!!

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  4. Aegeus,dearest, you have no idea. By and large i agree with the guy.

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  5. I guess(or hope) I will know the answer one day too.

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  6. okay i really thought i juad the answer to that..then i read this and am tooootally lost now lol i have no idea!

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  7. New to this thing called love and sieving my way through it or what is deemed love and this is refreshing!!!

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  8. Hmmm ... hold the bullet thought kidogooo ... lol am j/k.

    Whereas I can't beef with your argument, it is my opinion that love is a highly subjective emotion, the tenets of which are impossible to universally declare.

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  9. @betty
    i thought i had it figured out now i have to rethink the whole thing.
    Quint, its refreshing and a lot of work but worth it.
    Jm,love is emotional that is for sure. *still holding*

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  10. the more i read, the less i know rook hia my dia gacugwa...me i take life simply...u got a mind n behind n a personality to boot, you like me...i think i like you..haya twede..mabo ya lust n love...the more i read, the less i know.

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  11. penzi hatari ... iko langoni la bweha la nyika

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  12. Thought provoking post... a good read

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  13. What is love but that overwhelming attachment without action, without favours without pretension? But to get this feeling we must do the things that result in love, it doesnt come automatically, it involves work and effort to care for someone, it involves verbs such as listening, talking, giving, taking, spending, good f$%ki&g...verbs which we have to ask ourselves if we really want to do, and if we do, a certain type of love will result. Different people need different things, this is compatibility, some may not need the F side of things so much. Be willing to do anything for your partner and you wont fail to find love. Lust is selfish and the result is an unselfishness that is mistaken for love(and this is what hurts so much), but like a love that flips between effort and love, lust will be a thing that flips between moments of unselfishness only to come back to more lust, everything is cyclical and lust is a vicious cycle that men and women who've been there know far too well. No love can result from lust, only when lust subsides for that effort for love can we have it.

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