I am one of those people who came to the City (read Nairobi) to campus then got jobs and i have lived here for close to twelve years making this city my home. Having grown up in the countryside, the way i look at life is sometimes very different than that of my friends who are born and bred here. Growing and to date my father is the indisputable head of the family, the provider and the one who solves all problems. Whenever my siblings and i wanted anything there was a chain of command to follow, you would ask Ma who would get back to you on what they decided. All decisions at our house started with "we have decided.." and the only way to get that decision changed was to show cause. My mother was your typical African woman she would go to work, come home, ensure that homework is done, dinner is cooked. Looking back i am amazed at how she balanced her family, work, active church membership and women's group among others. When my dad got home it seemed as though time stopped then we would talk of the day, any issues were handled and as was tradition goodies were handed out either tropical mints or chocolate depending on money. I have never seen my parents fight since such was reserved for closed doors. From my childhood, i have always known that men take care of their women and women take care of their men.
Unfortunately the more i grew up the more i got a reality check that not all men love their women and treat them as they should yet there are those who want to but don't know how. On our part as women, we sometimes make it hard for the men to love and take care of us. Being a bit more mature am able to have candid conversations with my parents about what makes a marriage last 40 years this December. When i pictured my life at this point i would be married with children and maybe a life very similar to what my mother had only version 2.0. Looking at the people i know who are now married and some of their marriages are not working out, or even just looking at the rate of failed marriages am very concerned. While i admit that my parents marriage is not perfect, they must be doing something right to be able to raise a good family and still be together after all this time.I want to get married some day and one of my biggest prayers is that when that time comes i am the Proverbs 31 Woman realistically it won't happen at once but i pray that its the end result.
Unfortunately the more i grew up the more i got a reality check that not all men love their women and treat them as they should yet there are those who want to but don't know how. On our part as women, we sometimes make it hard for the men to love and take care of us. Being a bit more mature am able to have candid conversations with my parents about what makes a marriage last 40 years this December. When i pictured my life at this point i would be married with children and maybe a life very similar to what my mother had only version 2.0. Looking at the people i know who are now married and some of their marriages are not working out, or even just looking at the rate of failed marriages am very concerned. While i admit that my parents marriage is not perfect, they must be doing something right to be able to raise a good family and still be together after all this time.I want to get married some day and one of my biggest prayers is that when that time comes i am the Proverbs 31 Woman realistically it won't happen at once but i pray that its the end result.
good post Gish.
ReplyDeleteFarmgal
Sigh...that Proverbs 31 woman set such a high bar, I'm tempted to think she's a figment of Solomon's imagination. That said, I hear you on growth. Been reading a piece on submission, and eh... Growing into a woman is hard work.
ReplyDeleteYou are right Gish. I grew up in such an environment too where I never witnessed a fight between my parents. I am sure they had their own disagreements, but they dealt with them privately and that really challenges me. My prayer is that I'll be a good example to my kids just as my parents were to us. I think marriage is hard work and both partners have to be willing to compromise on so many levels but I am excited about that part of my life and I am really looking forward to it.
ReplyDeleteFG, thanks for passing by.
ReplyDeleteKellie that was a really special woman. Growing into a woman is hard work but God's grace abides.
Anon, we need to get you a name. You know i am with you on this one totally.:)
Your family turned out the way it did because your dad knew and understood what being a man was. Most of us new fathers and husbands don't know squat about what being a man is, we weren't socialized and if we were we didn't pay much attention. It's a tragedy. Great post
ReplyDeleteBiko, it is sad because family is not what it used to be. Maybe now the most important thing is the willingness to learn and putting in the effort to be the best spouses/parents that we can be.
ReplyDeletein my short life i have learned a few things from watching my folks and other strong marriages. When you get into marriage you must; (i.) go in without a plan B, (ii.) love one another (iii.) be able to still refer to each other as friends.(iv.) Include God in the mix.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. This is a subject I recently reflected on, albeit differently. I put together some of the thoughts I have found useful in maintaining my marriage here http://reflectionsanddeflections.blogspot.com/2011/01/points-to-ponder-take-3-on-staying.html
ReplyDeleteCool blog, just discovered it and will be back often.
I love this. Very deep and real.
ReplyDeleteMercy