Pause

A lot has been happening and thank God its by large positive, answers to my prayers that part of me had given up on. I prayed,asked,begged then figured that if it was to happen then it will happen. Its official and final that in Sept i will be sitting in class again trying to figure out how i used to read till 3am in the morning and trying hard not to doze after a long day at work. I love to read only that i read for pleasure but this is different i have to remember and apply this stuff.Yet sept is just the beginning, am excited and psyched hope it lasts.

I laughed at a friend last week when she asked what she does with a straight face she answered she's a business-girl. Whats with this fear of age and growing old so that we shy away from telling our age? I love being my age wouldn't trade it nor would i do it all over differently. I like to think that am at an age where i know what i want, how, when and what i need to do to get to it and how far i need to go to get it of course with boundaries.

I have had the privilege of dating men most of whom have influenced my thinking and mannerisms in largely a positive way. When we were younger, my friends and i had this list that served as a measure of suitability. There was the firm muscled body, the car, the ability to entertain all night, the looks and for a while that was that. The older i get the more the list has shortened and become realistic. Now there are some things that non-negotiable yet there is the 6-pack that can be traded in for a small to medium keg. With time and experience i have learnt to differentiate what i can compromise or not.

I grew up in church,participated in all things presbyterian and my folks held positions in church. Now am alone here and i still go to church only without consistency. I love God and church its the one place that i fell at peace most just dunno what is happening, i used to be able to do my devotion and pray.Lately somehow there is something happening on Sunday, wake up late or i sleep halfway through my prayers. They say prayer is conversation if so am failing miserably my prayers feel so empty like rehearsed verses.

The other day i realized that i only have a handful of people i can count on.Ever had one of those moments that you need to talk to someone badly. I was not looking for advice i just needed to be heard. So i scrolled through my contacts on phone and eventually picked the one person am not even close to and he dropped everything and heard me out. Called me back after my credit ran out and came over to ensure i was ok.Clearly he just earned double friendship points.Funny how you know so many people yet can count on so few when in trouble then why have all these numbers and yet they mean naught.

I have decided,God willing i want to get married not for children that i can do without the till death but just for the companionship. I look at my folks who now have an empty nest just the two of them and i don't want to grow old alone. for example whenever i visit they will take time to update me on the happenings of the Bold and the Beautiful of course with their opinions about the characters. Its just great to see them hanging out and i want that. While on marriage, what happens when forever doesn't look so daunting?

Oh and yes i will start jogging or pay for that gym that has been on my to-do-list. Yes Stunuh is i could also use some prayers.Or maybe i should join Ichiena in her swimming classes oh the dilemma.