Guess did a pieceWhat do men want. Then i got the following via mail:-
WRITTEN BY A MAN:
Personally I wouldn't marry someone I don't know. You need to know what you
are committing yourself to. After all we are talking about a life-long
commitment. Like the author, I also don't believe that one should be in a
relationship for five years before committing without a sound reason,
whatever that means. The point is: five years is too long a time for two
people to be involved without any progress.
They stay in relationships with hope. My advice to all the women is:
Start from now and ask your long relationship partner what he thinks about
you!
I am a man myself but I am sure that it will not take me years to marry a
woman once I get a right woman with all the qualities or I need, I will get
married immediately. It will not take years, a year will be too long,
and a delay will be caused by arrangements. I also blame you women why
don't you ask your partners?
There are plenty guys who are interested in you but you always tell them
about your boyfriend that you have been involved for 4yrs and you are
happy, my question is if you are happy why are you in relationship for so
long (4yrs) without marriage Women are not clever enough when it comes to
do a feasibility study about men.
WAKE UP AND ASK HIM (boyfriend): What will be my future with you? Do not
take excuses? Tell him your future plans enough is enough ask him what he
is waiting for? If possible give him your parents' address and he must tell
them what he wants from you. If he came to play around with you he will
never come back. You must rather stay without a man rather than wasting
your time with someone who will hurt you and leave you, for how long will
you live like that? Once you are able to do that you will see the
future you were dreaming of.
A RIGHT MAN WHO LOVES YOU WILL COME AND DO THAT. You ladies with long-term
relationships ask your boyfriends today, if he is mumbling, leave him
because you will be depressed one day if you find out that he is getting
married to someone whom he met within 4 months. Imagine (4years =
4months) I am just picturing how your feeling will be? Ladies stay away
from those relationships, they are 3% useful and 97% wasting your time.
There could be someone out there who was going to marry you during this
4yrs maybe it was going to take him a year to marry you but you refused you
wanted to stay in a relationship with no due date. We are all working
according to time (Projects, Deliveries, Purchasing, Contracts, etc.) Why
Not Love Affairs?
I have sisters I always tell them because I want the best for them.
Some of you might not agree but I am sure this can help some of you.
PLEASE REMEMBER THIS: "IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE, IN A RELATIONSHIP, BUT
NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS
WITH."
He is not willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye open for
something better or is waiting for her to become something better. Point
blank. When he finds a woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her
his wife. And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't take 4 or 5
years for that man to figure it out. It doesn't take 2 or 3 years either.
The only reason that a man will get married after that long of a time is
because he's tired of looking for something better. And trust me, that's
definitely what he was doing all of those years. So if you should happen to
find yourself in one of those "long term" relationships then maybe you
should step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it is that
you're missing by doing favors for this man who is not willing to
fully commit.
Don't make excuses to yourself and your girlfriends saying things like "Oh
he's waiting till he gets a better job" or "he's waiting to finish school"
or "he's waiting until he moves from his apartment to a house". DON'T FOOL
YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED!!
Which one of those things can't be done with a wife or fiancé' by your
side? So ladies, when you read this think about your situation and that man
that you are living with, or the one that you spend many nights over his
house or him over yours. Think about your baby's father that you are still
in a sexual relationship with. Think about your "ex" that you are in a
sexual relationship with. Think about your "boyfriend". And definitely
think twice before you brag on a relationship that's a couple of years
long and you still have no commitment.
Like I've said before, I'm a man and I know the situation. I've been there
and I know that we can come up with some extremely reasonable excuses,
but.... DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED!
"Ladies, can I get an Amen!!"
And
"Guys, let's be honest"
So what do men want?
Early Bird I can see gish!
ReplyDeleteReally inspired that argument of this guy. I can see his point of view coz as his says it cannot be so complicated to decide on whether to marry a woman I mean it takes us 10 minutes to decide to buy a car, 2 seconds to accept a job offer, 1 mont to move house or buy a plot but then it takes 5 years to asses a woman for marriage?
Kirima, but there have been people who have dated 7 yeas then married. I think that within the first year of dating or so we should know the direction dont just string me along and then change your mind after dating me forever then a not so young anymore that is crap. why do people take so long to get married or even have a long engagement unless there are valid reasons which i dont deny there maybe. but am not ready or sure is crap....
ReplyDeletegot to swivel all day LOL
I have a friend who was in a relationship for close to 2 years, but was never really sure about the woman. Then after they broke up, he met this woman who he instantly hit it off with, and within 3 months they were engaged, getting married 8 months after they first started going out. He says with her, he knew. There was no doubt. So I definitely see where this writer is coming from. Though the flip side has also happened, I can't really say for sure if it's because the man was tired of looking or if it was due to other circumstances.
ReplyDeleteWe've had two posts in a week touching on what each gender wants. Time for us all to get educated, eh?
Its harsh but true. I see what UnGEM is saying and it hits home. You just know, well that is what i hear. All the best to those who are in the marriage boat!
ReplyDeletei see his point!but as guys have said, theres always the flip side, i guess it all falls down to what he said in the last lines..chics dont be fooled and guys be honest!if a jama is playing relationship kati/karata and you want different then leave!but if he's genuinely not sure, respect that and y'all agree whats the best next step.
ReplyDeleteI am totally in agreement with the article.
ReplyDeleteAs I said yesterday, people [esp women] have learnt to settle... a disease I refuse to get!
Well all I can say is that people need to put a time frame once the relationship gets serious. If you have just been kicking it with a dude and dont let him know you have certain expectations as a woman dont be surprised if you are left hanging for a long time because men can handle the same status quo without change.
ReplyDeletePlus deciding to get married isnt as simple as some women make it out to be, men worry about the future first while women worry about getting married first and then they worry about the future.
What about the young ones like us? It seems like the general rule is that when one enters a relationship, the destination should be defined beforehand + evaluated after every 6 mths or year. But I guess it's kind of hard if people have different ideaologies. Personally, I'll definately want to investigate potential of marriage on a long term basis, so it's easy going friendship kwanza, then laters we can see...
ReplyDeleteExpectations differ with age. With age(hopefully) one is able to tell what they want out of the relationship. Most people can tell where the relationship is heading after dating for a while. The main issue is this you both define what you expect from the relationship so that you make informed decisions, that sounds easy but the reality is different.
ReplyDeleteFor ladies, tell him what you want and don't be afraid that he will leave if he does then better cry now than cry after being with them for 20 years.
I am also of the opinion that it will not take 5 years to decide if i want to spend forever with a certain man. I know a chick who has been *dating* a dude for 10 (ten) years. now that is plain nonsense...i think i would rather stay single. 6 months into the relationship i review the whole thing. ukijifanya walenga story za next step, you can take your niceness elsewhere. chicks should open their eyes and see the light!
ReplyDeleteAMEN finaly, the percentage of the peopel who marry after dating for so long is vey low. And i agree with the writer when you are trully serious about the person you know it and wount waste time.
ReplyDeleteAnd Let us all say A men! This is great advice, Unfortunately or in this case fortuantely am yet 2 be in a such Long R/shp but I now know better!
ReplyDeleteAMEN. Cant be put in bold other than that.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with the point that writter put across, but I have always believed that some things come so naturally, e.g a kiss... If it's genuine it will come so naturally, and it will always wait for the right moment. SO is marriage. I don't think we have to push or rather slow it. I guess it comes naturally at the right time. I don't think there's a specific time frame.
ReplyDeletelook who's talking. She doesn't believe in love let alone marriage hihihi
:.Just Sue.:
AMEN!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with most...but what am I saying....I HAVE been in a relationship for 3.5 years, and despite that we didn't get married I don't regret a single moment of that, and I never felt the pressure to get hitched :-)
:-)
Well said!! me i think whether u get married after dating 6 months ama after 3 yrs- still the same thing..you both are in love and luving it (marriage).
ReplyDeleteanyway, point is,do it when you're both ready..no pressure in time.
So now after this ka article..what if jamaas go proposing to their mamas haraka haraka and chiks say- aish..no, too soon! lool wat to do?
I concur with EGM and Aco. Sometimes you can be with a chic but roho safi you just don't see it going anywhere, but you stick in there hoping something might develop. But also, guys usually think about the future when committing to a chic, so sometimes it does take us quite a while to decide that a particular chic is THE ONE. But not that we're stringing them along intentionally. For me it'll probably take a long time to decide that I want to make a lifetime commitment to a certain chic, feelings aside. A lot of things have to be taken into consideration. Do you guys connect on many levels? Does she fit in well with your close pals and do you do the same? (sounds petty, but your partner MUST be comfy around your people, just as you should be comfy around hers) How do the two of us handle conflicts when they occur? Are you comfy around her family and is she comfy around yours? Do you share the same dreams and aspirations? In short, do you complement each other? Once the above questions have been answered, hey! Thats it! Good thing I have some years to go.
ReplyDeleteThis guy's view has definitely enlightened me. I can see how a dude can string the girl along while watching out for someone better (just to have plan B). Women do it too. I think this is one of the worst things to do when you know the other person is really into you but you're not going to make a major commitment. It definitely helps to find out what your partner wants, and if it's not you--just cut your losses and move on.
ReplyDeletefrom experience i will say....i met a man who knew from the start that he wanted to settle down with me.(but counted 3 months b4 proposing) i was so scared of the fact that i didn't know him but he never gave up-he knew what he was looking for and to this day i admire that about him(he is never in doubt as to what he wants....long story but am now the mother of a lovely baby boy and he is more than I could ever have asked God for.
ReplyDelete