20 February 2008

Sentimental Ramblings

-Brought on by "In a Sentimental Mood- John Coltrane & Duke Ellington."

Love, these four letters have brought more people together as much as split them. I know Valentine's over but i got to thinking after all this time shouldn't i at least know enough about love. My dad says "there is no love expert". No matter how long or many you love, each person is different. I keep thinking like with work experience, shouldn’t you be able to say what you can and can’t do plus what you are willing to learn on the job. Love, lust, passion, romance, sex all these are just what they are love, lust, passion, romance and sex, each individual has their own “formula” for satisfaction. It is one thing to fall in love another to stay in love which would explain “I love him but am not in love with him”. Funny how when we are in love our tolerance for that person suddenly increases and we are often willing to compromise.

Heard about a lady whose honeymoon was without “bumping uglies” and she was wondering whether it was a sign of trouble ahead. So, when did sex and love become justification for the other? The reason given was maybe because they we already “bumping” prior to the nuptials then maybe that’s why. That brings me to the belief that familiarity causes people to take things for granted. For some people seems that the longer you are together the lazier you both are to explore possibilities until its just routine. Then instead of staying because you are happy you count the number of years you been together, still easier said than done.

At the end of each relationship/relation/fling/clande/arrangement you name it we all have a list of lessons learnt that we swear by with greater emphasis on the dont's. Sadly it only gets complicated with age, clearly this is one area where practice just wont make perfect. I figure the goal is to be true to yourself and have a good time else for me its just not worth it.


  1. matters of the heart are simple yet so complicated. One reason we go wrong..is cos we look for perfection!

  2. sorry for the mini post

  3. good discussion gish.

    “I love him but am not in love with him” -- unless you are planning to be in love with that person in the future stop wasting time for each other and just come to terms on the supposed 'love' arrangements.

    My rule of thumb; define what you are into, potentially could get into at the get go.

    i see to many people in friends/clande/semi relationships and it sure saddens me. you are either platonic friends, fucking partners or in a relationship...anything in between is a waste of time.

    Marriage is a whole different animal that I know nothing about except LIFETIME is a long long time and one should think really hard about before committing to a lifetime.

    and just like faith without practice is dead; a relationship or marriage without great sex will eventually die

    oh or one partner will outsource...

  4. surely experience must make love that much easier. Our grandparents who stayed together into their 80s- haven't they mastered the art of love.They have fought, laughed, grieved and everything in between and they are still going.The butterflies in their stomachs possibily died but they are still there for each other.Bila sex (I hope- coz I can't qite see my grandmother stripping---iisshhhh that image- moving on), flowers, chocolates and the like. Instead material for a new dress na slippers are what make HIM special

  5. I dont beleive in love! Period. companionship yes, lust yes, like yes, but love? No idea what that is.
    Sometimes people get into "love" because they are lonely.

    People also do many stupid things to themselves and to each other because they are in love. People tolerate alot because they are in love.

  6. Aaaaand then, why is it that love kwishas? where does it go?
    And when it kwishas why do people stay and stay and make each other miserable to death? I dont get why african marriages just keep going, the couples keep outsourcing ( 3N 2008)and still they stay?

  7. I only got into the 'outsource' part and disintegrated. LOL why do people come up with stuff that make us 'commitment phobes' ..err... more commitment phobes ? I blame somebody, I dont know whom, but someone's got to blame :(

    Gish, I need a shrink, or ten
    NB: There is 'NEVER' an excuse for bad sex, NEVER - quote me on that


  8. We all know what we are getting ourselves into eg. the CFA, don't cheat yourself that that man is going to want more from you; and that is where most women go wrong. It is what is it Convenient F*** Arrangement.

  9. I think the one lesson I've learnt over time is that it's more important to 'be' perfect for each other.... That combination of true intimacy, compatibility, happiness etc...

    ...marriage IS hard work, people think the fact that you're in love is enough for everything to fall into place. SHOCK!

  10. yet kuna wengine, who love the practicing...

    “I love him but am not in love with him” - explains a lot

    our paros had something greater or rather had a lesson in itself, commitment, they amuad i'll be with this man till death despite his whining, drinking, hanyaring...those folks were special sidhani ilikuwa love love kama ile tunajua sasa. it was a story of, this chick can mother my kids, so twende.

    but love is complex, complex, complex (and confusing). no experience can ready you for anything to do with love. every package comes differently.

    yep, kabla marriage think real hard. is that love really enough? no, there's more...

    argh! who am i to talk about this anyway...i'll just dish my brand of 'love' justice, and work on it to make it last.

    good one!

  11. I like the advice from the movie Juno, "In my Opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good Mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

  12. LOVE a very easy word but very complicated. Sometimes we are true but in our trueness we are hurt it happens.

  13. gish, did you know that you are among the few people (six) who have been tagged by 3N.

    If I were you, i would oblige.

  14. I heard somewhere that love is a choice so go figure. I tend to stay away from that afflication, but i was bitten once.

  15. Love and relationships are so complicated. Love is just more than a four letter word and being in love more than just an overwhelming attraction. Both takes a lot of evaluation, tolerance, compromise and hard work to maintain.

    BTW I like the new look.

  16. Farmgal, i hear you on perfection and it doesnt help that compromise is so hard.They say the heart eats what it wants, hope it decides.

    3N,mini posts allowed and expected.its easy to define what you are getting into until the thing gets a life of its own though it does help a lot. all i will say is that forever is a long time. As for sex, it makes somethings better and other complicated.Outsourcing can only make things worse.

    3TOC,i agree with you maybe it depends on the person that you are dating, hence the issue of the the "one".They have companionship, love and friendship.

    HnH, sometimes am sure i will take companionship over love any given day. Sometimes love is not enough.I am sure everyone has their reasons for staying. this things are just complicated.

    {{{Guess}}} kamum how are you doing? Amen, there is never a good enuf excuse. About being a commitment Phobe, ahem, send me a shrink too.

    Kasuku, Its one thing to know what you are getting into and another not hope that it will blossom into something else. its those hopes that kill us.

    JK, i think marriage is best gotten into with a sober mind knowing fully well that isht will hit the fan once in a while.

    Modo i agree out parents were ready to stick it out, it was either it works or it works.Love is not enough for marriage there is so much more. I think we can only do our best and hope for the best.

    CP, i wonder if they make that brand anymore and if they do must be limited edition. Key is you get one stick to them.

    3N, tag acknowledged off to work on it.

    Candybox, you need to teach me how to stay away from that bug.

    Stunner, thanks sadly the new look didnt last. Working on it. Love and life are both complicated. We can only do our best.

  17. I like this post...
    a).yenyewe I'm with 3TOC but don't understand how those marriages lasted..
    b).isn't part of love companionship???coz its not like you're passionate about one another 24/7...

    "Aaaaand then, why is it that love kwishas? where does it go?" @ HnH..i so totally agree

  18. Gish. Love is like a baby. At the beginning you do everything to take care of it, then when the kid starts whining and growing up, you still put up with it because u just cant get rid of it, when they're finally gone off to college or married, you miss the hell out of them. That's how my grand paro's were. So treat love like a kid and you'll live to be 100 like Methuselah.!