A mile in my shoes....
Monday, July 21, 2008
Emotion labelled Fear
Fear: be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event; and some of my very own are:-
1. Snakes and creepy crawlies.
2. Scary movies and stories.
They result to nightmares sorted by either sleeping next to someone or Bible plus rosary under my pillow after endless prayers.
3. Snakes coming up the drain pipe or toilet and biting me.
Don't ask have a very active imagination.
4. Growing old alone and having no one to share my life with.
5. Getting married and then it doesn't work out.
6. Failure.
7. Slipping on the tiles and hitting my head hence unconscious or choking to death seeing that i live alone.
8. Loss of family and friends.
9. Being pregnant and raising a child alone.
10. Situations that make me feel helpless or cannot explain.

I have been accused of being a commitment-phobe but i figure am just scared of being hurt having been there and done that. At the moment am at a place where i know what i want but i cant muster the courage to say it to you. I know you read this blog and i just want you know that am thinking of running away. Maybe its cowardly to you but to me this is the best course of action i can think of now seeing that i need to find the courage to say it or quell what i feel for you. I need to learn how to resist you and to say no every so often. My running does not mean that i like you any lesser just that i need space to sort this jumbled up mess that is my feelings for you.

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posted by gishungwa at 2:55 PM | Permalink |


17 Comments:


  • At Monday, July 21, 2008 4:18:00 PM, Anonymous petesmama

    There is a fear of being alone. And a fear of being with someone. One of them has to win in the end.

    I hope whoever is supposed to read this understands it the way you want them to.

    PS: Snakes crawling up the drain and biting you??? For real?

     

  • At Monday, July 21, 2008 4:40:00 PM, Anonymous pink m

    I pray that one day you can get over your fears, or at least those relating to relationships. Hope your loved one also understands, because often it's not easy to understand another one's fears.

     

  • At Monday, July 21, 2008 6:45:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    I so feel you.


    strawberries.

     

  • At Monday, July 21, 2008 8:33:00 PM, Anonymous threetypesofcrazy

    I am normal, I am normal (do you see me dancing!)- your first three ooohhhhhhhhh are so uo there on my list. haya, I thought I was the only one who imagined snakes coming up the drain pipe or toilet.

    I hope the message in a post gets there- in the way it should.

     

  • At Tuesday, July 22, 2008 12:29:00 AM, Anonymous threetypesofcrazy

    uo=up (pole, english- big problems!)

     

  • At Tuesday, July 22, 2008 5:59:00 AM, Blogger Stunner

    Healthy fear keeps us in check at times, however fear can also limit us and rob us of endless possibilities. It's ok to run for a while, but one day we have to face our fears if we are to truly overcome them.

     

  • At Tuesday, July 22, 2008 8:13:00 AM, Blogger Guessaurus

    Hi Gish,

    Snakes, in all their manifestations, are scary to me. Fear is healthy up to a point, and I too I am learning to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy fear.

    Hope the message gets received loud and clear too.

    {{{{{{{G}}}}}

     

  • At Tuesday, July 22, 2008 12:32:00 PM, Anonymous 31337

    fear is a path to the dark side.

     

  • At Tuesday, July 22, 2008 4:19:00 PM, OpenID buttercookie

    Gish, u're not a committment phobe...it just hasn't hit u yet!!! When it does, believe me... u wont "FEAR" anymore.

    -Miss Cheri

     

  • At Tuesday, July 22, 2008 5:04:00 PM, Blogger Nakeel

    Snakes will make me migrate from a place for months or years.

    I hope he has received the message. (((((G)))))

     

  • At Thursday, July 24, 2008 12:34:00 PM, Anonymous savvy

    i fear snakes, rats, frogs, and chameloens make me freeze in motion, their evil eyes following you..their long tongues.. also lizards...

    but we all learn to overcome our fears one time or another...commitment will not be an issue when u meet someone right..

     

  • At Thursday, July 24, 2008 9:56:00 PM, Blogger Queen of My Castle

    Words can't convey how much I feel you when it comes to having to choose between fight or flight when it comes to relationship and emotions...or lack thereof. You'll be fine :-)

    -Q

     

  • At Friday, July 25, 2008 10:32:00 AM, Blogger gishungwa

    Boy am i glad to know that am not alone *sighs*. Am working on countering some of those as well as curbing my imagination! great to "see" you all here.

     

  • At Friday, July 25, 2008 8:10:00 PM, Anonymous boyf.

    cheer up gal!

     

  • At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 4:18:00 PM, Anonymous val

    Gish you really wouldn't want to visit my home then...at some point guys had KWS on speed dial..(err coz of the snakes)

    I hope he reads this...coz its hard to open up again after been hurt..and its never easy admitting it..especially to the person in question

    I fear chameleons..**shudders**

     

  • At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 8:54:00 PM, Blogger Mighty Afroditee

    That's a lot of fears, Gish, and the irony is, I share most of them!Grr!!

     

  • At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 11:48:00 AM, Blogger Disco Muthenya

    while i feel you on most if not all your fears,ive been in the same situation for oh...the years have flown by...at first i was afraid i wasnt ready to come clean, then i wasnt good enough-had to fight my demons,i worried that we might try and fail then id loose even the friendship i truly values,then i found out he likes a mutual friend.it was a relief to hear my heart break that day.i didnt know i was holding my breath all those years until i let it out that day.im still not over him completely but im over him enough to give someone else a chance.is that the solution, NO! but its a start. good luck with that.

     
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