27 October 2006
Nyabos and Ssebos (Ladies and Gentlemen) of the jury. The defendant Gish and other persons not before the court have pleaded guilty of having extreme fun last week Thursday till Tuesday this week. The scene of the crime is Pearl beach gardens, Ssese Islands, Lake Victoria, Uganda, see http://www.pearlgardensbeach.com. Gish is guilty of the following among other crimes in no specific order:-
Being drunk in the bus on triple distilled blue moon Vodka, so that I have no recollection of the journey between Nakuru and the outskirts of Kampala
Hangover and feeling like death thereafter paying 200 Ushs to puke in a loo got better after katoko (a million bananas and two pieces of meat) and plenty of water.
Loitering aimlessly in Shop Rite in Kampala looking for something to kill the hangover then being unable to tell how much I owe them. Aside: a roll of tissue was ushs.950, water 1.5 liters was 650, 100gms (couldn’t buy individual pieces) of gum was Ushs.2600 and others.
Sleeping in the taxi as they call matatus all the way to Entebbe.
Getting into someone’s house and eating katoko for a fee of 1000ushs.
Heckling, being restless, brew sampling and after a while settling for Nile Special beer all there in the ferry.
Choosing to sleep alone with intentions, no it didn’t happen.
Going for a walk on the beach and watching the sunset over Lake Victoria.
Dancing and singing around the bonfire every night.
Inciting and participating in Skinny Dippers Anonymous, blame it on the alcohol read as waragi, vodka among others
Participating in the local councils clean up exercise whilst under influence, walking in the rain and being the official supplier of prophylactics.
Being buried in the sand alive and E, I owe you one for giving me a d*k. explains the sand in my hair.
Wearing scandalous clothes, aiding and abetting truth or dare contest, strip poker and “I have never…”
Realization that am not all that insane after all.
Lovely pleasure of being hosted by two wonderful men who spoilt us and showed us around and made them breakfast.
Went to Good Fellas bar, the Tavern, wandegeya, ate Porko(read pork), rolex(sorta burrito like thingy)
Went to Angenoir after a death ride from some guy who wanted to show off his Jeep to the girls
I learnt what it means to say” thambiria gathugumi”
At mid-night on Sunday, had my bathday with assorted fluids then proceeding to the ladies to dry using the hand drier.
Harboring homicidal thoughts coz of the stupid DJ who kept on singing along.
Making out in the bus, excuse, we were in the damn bus for 19 hours due to an accident, yeah we hit a drunk guy on a bike.
Peeing in the bush due to excess fluid consumption.
Dancing till I couldn’t dance anymore.
? Boat riding with unknown fishermen on patrol.
Dear Jury, both sides recommend that she be sent back to the scene of the crime to think about her crime. What say you?