Dear dolly,
I want something that is forbidden. Just the realization that i cant have it makes me want it all the more. Please advice.
yours
Eve( pun intended)
25 August 2005
23 August 2005
Teach me
Teach me to be humble, coz i know that iam proud
Teach me to be loving to myself, others and you most
Teach me how to be thankful for everything in my life
Teach me ho w to be king and giving
Teach me how to be a friend, sister, daughter and auntie
Teach me how to be like you
Full of compassion and understanding
Full of love even to the unlovable
Teach me to be understanding and tolearant to others
Teach me that i dont know everything
Teach me to be a learner, never to graduate, tha i may learn
Teach me to think of others and not always me, myself and I
Teach me to be secure in all my relationships
Teach me to trustin you and in others
Teach me to have faith and believe even in the unseen
Teach me when to shut up and when to talk
Teach me to tame my tongue, to put a muzzle on my mouth
teach me to say words that build and not those that destroy
Teach me to meditate on noble and pure thoughts
Teach me to be a woman, a proverbs 31:10-end woman
Teach me to be wise and discerning
To fear you and shun evil that i may have knowledge
Teach me to make amends for my sins and give thought to my ways
Teach me courage, to stand for what i believe in
To take the road least taken
Teach me truth, to speak it regardless of circumstances
Teach me my purpose, so that i may do according to your will
Teach me to desire,to do the right thing with intergrity.
Day One of the Rest of my Life
My commitments to Discipline and Growth
o Spend time in solitude everyday
o Read a book for inner growth
o Keep a journal of prayer concerns, questions and reading.
o Focus on thanksgiving , rather than on asking in prayer
o Take an hour to do what I always say I don’t have time to do
o Find a way to sleep early/ sleep in so I get enough rest
o List people with whom I need to be reconciled with. Pray for them and let God guide me ion my thinking and feeling towards them.
o Take control of my life by stopping procrastination and stop caring what people think of me.
o Take one hour to inventory my priorities and plan how I will reorder them.
o Give up a grudge or a rehearsal of a past event.
o Forgive someone who has hurt me.
Outward and Social Promptings
o Take on some loving task
o Write a note of affirmation once a week to a person who has touched my life.
o Listen and respond to Christ’s call to a ministry of service
o Have coffee/lunch with someone I want to know better
o Begin to recycle waste from my home
o Give blood and recall the cross
o Call the AIDS project and ask how I can help
o Say “NO” to something that is a waste of money and time
o Pray to God to help me to resist prejudice and give me the courage in opposing it.
o Decide to become a member of the church and speak to a pastor or lay leader.
o Rebuke the spirit of criticism and my own tongue out of control.
As a way of being accountable; I will share my plan with at least one other person and share with that person my experience.
o Spend time in solitude everyday
o Read a book for inner growth
o Keep a journal of prayer concerns, questions and reading.
o Focus on thanksgiving , rather than on asking in prayer
o Take an hour to do what I always say I don’t have time to do
o Find a way to sleep early/ sleep in so I get enough rest
o List people with whom I need to be reconciled with. Pray for them and let God guide me ion my thinking and feeling towards them.
o Take control of my life by stopping procrastination and stop caring what people think of me.
o Take one hour to inventory my priorities and plan how I will reorder them.
o Give up a grudge or a rehearsal of a past event.
o Forgive someone who has hurt me.
Outward and Social Promptings
o Take on some loving task
o Write a note of affirmation once a week to a person who has touched my life.
o Listen and respond to Christ’s call to a ministry of service
o Have coffee/lunch with someone I want to know better
o Begin to recycle waste from my home
o Give blood and recall the cross
o Call the AIDS project and ask how I can help
o Say “NO” to something that is a waste of money and time
o Pray to God to help me to resist prejudice and give me the courage in opposing it.
o Decide to become a member of the church and speak to a pastor or lay leader.
o Rebuke the spirit of criticism and my own tongue out of control.
As a way of being accountable; I will share my plan with at least one other person and share with that person my experience.
18 August 2005
Of Kenya Nite
It’s Wednesday evening, looking forward to a quiet night at home, watch Art Scene then ALIAS then a flick. Then the usual conference about everyone’s day and the drama in their lives, with the men and sex taking like 90% of the time as TLC say girls talk. Iam first in the house oh forgot to mention that I live with my 2 girlfriends legally and an open house to our friends on weekends.
Time: 8pm
My best friend who I call my sister saunters in with kelele. Reason for the noise is that her birthday was yesterday and it kinda got forgotten. We sit over a coffee to strategize how to remedy that apart from catch up on our lives.
Time: 8:30
My two housemates walk in, the kelele goes on ati we forgot her birthday, and then a bright idea then and not so bright now emerges. We have been planning to go for Kenya night but haven’t gotten round to doing it. So the sitting committee unanimously agrees that we do it. Now the biggest part, what to wear, its Wednesday, you want to look hot but still fit in if you consider it’s a work night and most people will be in formal wear. Half an hour later which is like record time we are all dressed and good to go. We get one of my gal’s dude to drop us in k2. On our way out my gal in Langata calls saying she’s bored, so we let he in on the plan. Real fast we are on our way to Langata or LA as they call it. Ok from Nairobi West to LA , dude can’t believe it but he’s seen worse. So we get there only to find a chick making chapos ati we took long how! Deal is done I make the chapos, my gal the stew and her she goes to prepare. Lets say the chapos are done and eaten.
Time: 11pm
Outside K2, we swear and make a pact that we will only be there for one-hour two hours tops and thou shalt not drink anything alcoholic. We go up the stairs as we walk in its kinda packed but nicely. Kenya night is strictly Kenyan music all night. We go to our usual spot at the counter near the pool tables across the Dj. On the way we manage to lose a few of us as they stop to meet the people. Shortly here comes the waitress, “ mtakunywa nini?” “Ginger ale, Smirnoff ice, Tusker, double vodka” si I thought no booze yeah right, the party is on the jacket is hanged on a chair and the dancing begins. Now I have to blow my trumpet here, my friends are good at dancing and they know it and flaunt it. The drinks are here amidst acknowledgement from the regulars. The Maina kageni announces that some artist from coast will be performing, score 5/10. Next up Mr. Lenny with his new single and a few old songs, a few Kenyan “celebs” are in so they are mingling with mafans. Then as if it could be worse, my sister is given a 1000bob drinks voucher by Collo courtesy of K2 coz its her birthday, now you tell me. Things just got ugly. The music is super the crowd is on their feet; you would think it’s a Friday the way the drinks are flowing.
Why do some men think that when they flash their titles you will be impressed, you should see the collection of business cards involved.
Time: 1am
The place is kicking everyone including the ginger ale gal has switched to a cold pilsner. By now we have met some guy who claims to work for CNN, a Nigerian who went to get us drinks and has not returned, a Burundian who wants to marry my sister among other drama. Then out of the blues first jamnazi boys na band with “am not sober” then a jaluo song called macelina where the guy sings” marcelina niko na samba dubai” katitu poys pand are on with their number safali ya katitu. “ kisumu tulienda tukarudi, mombasa tukaenda tukarudi with the full instrumental. Now that is where it went wrong, u should have seen the moves. Followed by “kilunda ni kise mbesa kilunda” then mariro then mama kiwinja then some kisii song then sukuma bin ongaro with a luhya number. Please note that during all period you are not allowed to sit.
The crowd went ballistic, the moves you ‘d laughing especially from the people in suits and ladies in heels. From there everything goes downhill.
Time: 4am
Yes as said, one hour later, we are headed home that’s after meeting some luscious man whose details I choose to keep. A woman must have a few secrets. To jeans for a dose of the pizza and some fries then home.
Time: 7am
Want to wake up cant wake up. The smell of coffee( kahawa number 1) wakes a few, hit the shower swear to have quit booze and clubbing that’s until kesho. I wish I was in bed now 5pm cant come too soon, but luckily for me my class is till 12noon can hear my bed calling.
Did I say I have quit?
Time: 8pm
My best friend who I call my sister saunters in with kelele. Reason for the noise is that her birthday was yesterday and it kinda got forgotten. We sit over a coffee to strategize how to remedy that apart from catch up on our lives.
Time: 8:30
My two housemates walk in, the kelele goes on ati we forgot her birthday, and then a bright idea then and not so bright now emerges. We have been planning to go for Kenya night but haven’t gotten round to doing it. So the sitting committee unanimously agrees that we do it. Now the biggest part, what to wear, its Wednesday, you want to look hot but still fit in if you consider it’s a work night and most people will be in formal wear. Half an hour later which is like record time we are all dressed and good to go. We get one of my gal’s dude to drop us in k2. On our way out my gal in Langata calls saying she’s bored, so we let he in on the plan. Real fast we are on our way to Langata or LA as they call it. Ok from Nairobi West to LA , dude can’t believe it but he’s seen worse. So we get there only to find a chick making chapos ati we took long how! Deal is done I make the chapos, my gal the stew and her she goes to prepare. Lets say the chapos are done and eaten.
Time: 11pm
Outside K2, we swear and make a pact that we will only be there for one-hour two hours tops and thou shalt not drink anything alcoholic. We go up the stairs as we walk in its kinda packed but nicely. Kenya night is strictly Kenyan music all night. We go to our usual spot at the counter near the pool tables across the Dj. On the way we manage to lose a few of us as they stop to meet the people. Shortly here comes the waitress, “ mtakunywa nini?” “Ginger ale, Smirnoff ice, Tusker, double vodka” si I thought no booze yeah right, the party is on the jacket is hanged on a chair and the dancing begins. Now I have to blow my trumpet here, my friends are good at dancing and they know it and flaunt it. The drinks are here amidst acknowledgement from the regulars. The Maina kageni announces that some artist from coast will be performing, score 5/10. Next up Mr. Lenny with his new single and a few old songs, a few Kenyan “celebs” are in so they are mingling with mafans. Then as if it could be worse, my sister is given a 1000bob drinks voucher by Collo courtesy of K2 coz its her birthday, now you tell me. Things just got ugly. The music is super the crowd is on their feet; you would think it’s a Friday the way the drinks are flowing.
Why do some men think that when they flash their titles you will be impressed, you should see the collection of business cards involved.
Time: 1am
The place is kicking everyone including the ginger ale gal has switched to a cold pilsner. By now we have met some guy who claims to work for CNN, a Nigerian who went to get us drinks and has not returned, a Burundian who wants to marry my sister among other drama. Then out of the blues first jamnazi boys na band with “am not sober” then a jaluo song called macelina where the guy sings” marcelina niko na samba dubai” katitu poys pand are on with their number safali ya katitu. “ kisumu tulienda tukarudi, mombasa tukaenda tukarudi with the full instrumental. Now that is where it went wrong, u should have seen the moves. Followed by “kilunda ni kise mbesa kilunda” then mariro then mama kiwinja then some kisii song then sukuma bin ongaro with a luhya number. Please note that during all period you are not allowed to sit.
The crowd went ballistic, the moves you ‘d laughing especially from the people in suits and ladies in heels. From there everything goes downhill.
Time: 4am
Yes as said, one hour later, we are headed home that’s after meeting some luscious man whose details I choose to keep. A woman must have a few secrets. To jeans for a dose of the pizza and some fries then home.
Time: 7am
Want to wake up cant wake up. The smell of coffee( kahawa number 1) wakes a few, hit the shower swear to have quit booze and clubbing that’s until kesho. I wish I was in bed now 5pm cant come too soon, but luckily for me my class is till 12noon can hear my bed calling.
Did I say I have quit?
16 August 2005
FURAHIDAY
Day: Friday
Time: 6: 40ish
Venue: Hooters
Am sitting at the said venue, sipping on my cold tale. Is here for one of my club (Rotaract Club of Nairobi Central) events what we all fondly call TGIF (thank God its Friday). This is a time when members are to bond, gossip, cat , dart, do nothing but mainly get to know each other apart from let off any steam,aka rant and rave about the week past, chomoa a plan for the weekend or at times a Friday plan e.g. my fave New jack swing. FIY New Jack Swing as they say is about when carnivore was called vouras, when wacko jacko was black, bobby brown was clean etc. ooohh 3rd Friday of every month.
The place is not so packed, the Dj is doing his thing on the turntable. From some deadly old school funkies, you can tell whos over 23 since they seem to know the lyrics by heart. Musta have had the songbooks back then.
More people stream in then the greetings are exchanged which range from a simple handshake, a hug (single/double), 2 kiss/3 kiss, a kiss then hug ... The ladies are looking all fresh and combosed yes they gat combosure must be the prior visit to the little girls room the things that are not in those handbags. The men hhmmmmm, suits, loose ties or none, shirtsleeves folded till midway between the elbow and the wrist. fashion statement sio.
Am informed there’s' going to be a pool challenge so we are being grouped into amateurs and pros. Yours truly takes the first game (amateur) then halfway gets bored and hands over to the pros. Back to my sina taabu, my tale baridi at hand and all is well with me. am looking around sourcing for someone to tell tales with. Then a cute guy (good) with a chick looks tight (bad) hen the shinning bling , yeah married(ugly) so bummer . The frotho flows. The music is getting better he’s been playing soul, east african music , mugiithi, vyone chakachaka tis bliss.
Time 11pm
Off to Langata Shopping Center to the joint Psys formerly known as Size bar. The crowd super strictly over 27 . The music old, really good the kind that makes you want to do a quick shabadoo. Am with company doing old moves and having a ball. With the occasional (ok a lot of) hugs and bonding now that we are at the entrance and can see who’s coming in.
Then th ususal endless rous, laughter, dancing. Now dancing, there are those who cant(zero coordination), those who shouldn’t ( its dangerous), those who can (potential with practice and few videos) and those who can and they know it (showoffs). A few beers, a few dance moves and hugs later tis time to go home. Few is used relatively here.
Funny/Strange how:-
sses so quickly when you are having fun.
Everyone is friendly and tight at the pub and cold nd distance elsewhere
Everyone is generous with rous when drunk
Some men still think that one beer=2 shotis( go figure)
Everyone looks fly after a few beers.
Men are always willing to give a ride home especially if you are female
Confessions of undying love and loyalty come so easy
You know the lyrics to every song and the dance moves without missinga beat.
Jeans Nairobi west- the pizza is super at 3 or 4am but tastes like crap during normal hours.
Gospell hits in bars and clubs the likes of kuna dawa and akisema atakubariki, akorino have nothing on the walevis.
You find strnge numbers in your phonebook with strange names like mr.x, cockpit, maybe.
When those mugiithi, kao or kisii songs play the classy chiqs are the ones who can get dance better than chiqs of shags and mboches. Uptown kitu gani.
5 August 2005
Mr. Right
At the risk of sounding like I never know the reason for anything in my life. I must first say that am still as joyful to the extent where am humming to myself, find myself dancing even at the bustop. I will let you all know how the joy cometh forth as soon as I find out.
Yesterday, I learnt something that I guess I have known but been denying for a long time. I am actually not pissed in fact all the more joy and bliss continues. I think must be the realization that it won’t work, see the truth is am commitment phobic. How do I know that? Every time am in a really good relationship and all is well, suddenly it is like the unspoken command to self-destruct. I will normally do everything I can to sabotage I t.
Then I got to thinking, (must be the bio-clock been ticking again) they say that there is a person especially for everyone. That destiny/fate/cupid/God or whatever it is that you believe in has a person just for you. A partner, one who is supposed to be like the other missing half piece of the jigsaw puzzle? Dreamily, one who will accept you just as you are (scary thought) since we at times don’t know who we are.
The “perfect” partner for you or me. One who makes you laugh when low/blue/sad, one who knows exactly what to say, how to say is and when to say it. The one who loves you just as you are. The one who sparks fire in you. One who awakes both your brains and your loins. The one who makes your toes curl (don’t ask wont tell). You know, the one whose perks and smirks are just right. The person of your dreams (no wonder you never meet them)
Then again, am the realistic type hardly believe in romance and love, prefer tulips to red roses any day. Despite that I have loved truly once when I was younger. Now I think that my ideologies, beliefs and the mother of them all experience get in the way of cupid’s arrow. I cant say that I have been around long enough o prove the theory right or wrong. All I know about men from my experience and that of others (read gal talk) is that some are worth it and others aren’t (another blog, another day).
They say that you have to kiss a few frogs before you reach prince charming (the gals that is the men don’t know yet). Now I wonder how few is few and why cant I just get straight on with the so called prince charming you know cut the suspense and drama.
I have had my fair share of men each one of them has taught me something and helped me to discover something about myself that I didn’t know before. For that and other reasons best not told here (hey a gal must have a secret), no hard feelings.
I have learnt among others though that: -
God and my parents are the only people I can truly depend on.
I love me too much and enjoy my own company
I don’t need a man to define who iam I do that pretty well by myself.
I know what I want, how to get me so watch me get it
I am beautiful, intelligent, mumeru woman with all the curves in check with a lot to offer and any man is lucky to have my company.
Like wine am getting better with age.
I know when to stay and fight and when to walk away.
Still I cant wait to see what cupid / God has in store for me *ROFLOL* u know the man
I get to grow old with.
Patience is not my greatest virtus so till then I shall be at the pond…
2 August 2005
Joy oh Joy
Am having one of those moments when you suddenly have a burst of joy. I mean joy, a bubbling feeling from deep in your abs. Moment of pure bliss when nothing can ruin it, i mean nothing. Point when the world and everything in it is prettier, more beautiful, the colors shine brighter. When you just cant smile you beam, i mean one of those ear to ear grins.You smile at strangers and ask how they are doing. Suddenly all is well with the world. The reason for this temporary insanity and bliss ,am not really sure or is it hormones , guess will never know huh!.
See the thing is i dont care why, how ,when what, which for me all that matters is that am happy and it feels great.this is like the bestest(if there is a word like that)feeling ever.If only this feeling could be bottled up and sprayed forth each time you need to experience it.then again it wouldn't be that good and half the joy is inthe spontaneity of the whole experience.
All i want to do is sing and be merry, shout out loud, stand on the roof and let the world know that am happy am happy happy happy( you now the song). This is pore euphoria, bliss tis a whole new level.
I love it.
See the thing is i dont care why, how ,when what, which for me all that matters is that am happy and it feels great.this is like the bestest(if there is a word like that)feeling ever.If only this feeling could be bottled up and sprayed forth each time you need to experience it.then again it wouldn't be that good and half the joy is inthe spontaneity of the whole experience.
All i want to do is sing and be merry, shout out loud, stand on the roof and let the world know that am happy am happy happy happy( you now the song). This is pore euphoria, bliss tis a whole new level.
I love it.
Psalm 23 (in kikuyu)
Jehova Ngai ni we muriithi wakwa
Ndire kidu ingeaga kiega
Andiithagia kuria kwi nyaki nduru
Na mae maria mena uhuruko
Nianjoyaga ngoro yakwa yashusheka
Akandingoria na njira cia ma
Ona ingegerera mukuruini wa gikuo
Ndingitigira uuru wowothe
Tudu wina nie
Thimbo yaku na mutirima waku ni ci ngiragiriria
Niunjaragira metha mbele ya tho ciakwa
Niunjitiririe maguta mutew, gikombe giakwa nikiihuririre
Matuko makwa mothe maria ndi muoyo
Ndituraga na wega na utugi
Nangatura o nyumba ya Jehova Njikare kou tene na tene
Ndire kidu ingeaga kiega
Andiithagia kuria kwi nyaki nduru
Na mae maria mena uhuruko
Nianjoyaga ngoro yakwa yashusheka
Akandingoria na njira cia ma
Ona ingegerera mukuruini wa gikuo
Ndingitigira uuru wowothe
Tudu wina nie
Thimbo yaku na mutirima waku ni ci ngiragiriria
Niunjaragira metha mbele ya tho ciakwa
Niunjitiririe maguta mutew, gikombe giakwa nikiihuririre
Matuko makwa mothe maria ndi muoyo
Ndituraga na wega na utugi
Nangatura o nyumba ya Jehova Njikare kou tene na tene
Quiet Time- time tolisten
This is one of my favorites though I don’t know who wrote it.
Luke 10:38-42
Lord, I had asked you
To teach me…
And then I’d gone my way
I had never listened
I had sought your advice
And then I’d leaned on my own …
I had never listened.
I had yearned for your presence
And had talked on and on…
I had never listened.
Now I stop,
Silent,
Waiting,
Listening.
Now your voice
Softly,
Quietly,
Speaks,
As I listen.
Luke 10:38-42
Lord, I had asked you
To teach me…
And then I’d gone my way
I had never listened
I had sought your advice
And then I’d leaned on my own …
I had never listened.
I had yearned for your presence
And had talked on and on…
I had never listened.
Now I stop,
Silent,
Waiting,
Listening.
Now your voice
Softly,
Quietly,
Speaks,
As I listen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)