Of Love

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Help Me Make It Throught The Night

Its past 1am in the morning and i cant sleep. For some reason am feeling vulnerable even though i just spoke to him who makes all things better. I have been known to be a strong woman but this one time i don't want to be strong i want to be able to crumble and have someone hold me.I wonder how it feels to be able to just let go and be weak even for an instance, you know not to have all things together and composed. I wish you were here since you would know what to do with a not-so-together me. I know i will put on a brave face tomorrow and face the world but in the immortal words of Gladys Knight & the Pips:-

Take The Ribbon From My Hair
Shake It Loose And Let It Fall
Layin' Soft Against Your Skin
Like The Shadows On The Wall
Come And Lay Down By My Side
'Til The Early Morning Light
All I'm Taking Is Your Time
Help Me Make It Through The Night

I Don't Care What's Right Or Wrong
I Wont Try To Understand
Let The Devil Take Tomorrow
For Tonight I Need A Friend

Yesterday Is Dead And Gone
And Tomorrow's Out Of Sight
And It's So Sad To Be Alone
Help Me Make It Through The Night

Just Married

This weekend found me as a bridesmaid at one of my girls wedding.Iam all for getting married and I intend to do so some day. The wedding went well, despite starting late but the most important thing is that girlie is a Mrs. I always thought that when the day comes I will be in a white dress, relatives singing, Ma crying, my dad giving the guy a look but a few things have changed. I got to a point where a civil ceremony started looking really good considering that most weddings in .ke cost on average Kshs. 700,000 (approx USD 10,000) at least by the committees that I have sat on. Wedding committees, I have afew choice words that I would like to say about them. I have major issues with asking people for money and/or help so for me the theory is that if me and mine do not have the money to finance the wedding then a civil wedding would be a good option or at least in church with our witnesses only then throw a small party later.

On Sartuday after the groom’s side came to the bride’s place to pick her up as is required and were done singing their hearts out as expected, came the part that had almost the whole room in tears. The groom’s parents came into the house for the handover, before that was done the parents of the bride were asked to say something. When both parents spoke, it was such an emotional moment; you could hear the pride in their voices. I got to thinking I wonder what my folks would say to not having the chance to give me away, while my parents are very open minded then again.

Note that am not about to get married, maybe in a couple of years,yet can't help but think how long this feeling will last. Is it really worth spending all that money on one day, it’s only a wedding right? After all people will still find fault no matter how good the wedding is. Is the pressure and stress of planning a wedding worth it? Isn’t the most important part that you are now joined together, do we have to invite the whole clan? Someone help me understand why incur debt so as to have a big wedding?

Congratulations and Happiness to all who have taken the big step.

Hunh!

Greetings, yes its been a long minute. I need to figure out what about me attracts other women. I keep getting hit on women who for some reason think i might be willing or curious with offers of "if you are ever curious". Mostly i will smile and say i am not the least bit curious and only do men. The thing that fascinates me about these suitors if i may call them that, is that their game is so on point you wouldn't believe it. They complement,make small talk, make nice with the people you are with then go after you.
While am terribly flattered, i need to come up with a way to resolve this or to say no politely. Any ideas?

Awarded!

“This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.”And so the 3toc tagged me, thank thank. Having done one too many lists on this blog forgive any repeats here. Here goes:-

1.I have up and downs in my spiritual life. I love God. I have moments when i love to be in his presence but i have been on a dry spell where even praying is a big deal.I am getting back up there, thanks to my prayer warriors(my mum and sister)who hold me up.

2.I have never had issues with my weight until earlier this month, the doctor informed me that am too heavy for my bones. I love my size, i love being round and "curvy" but it has to go so health eating and exercise are in full force, of course plus occasional indulgence.

3.I just finished some classes that i have been taking so that i can switch careers, results are out on the first week of July.

4.I finally decided on my side hustle of choice and am actively working on it in partnership with my parents. It will take a lot of time and money but it feels great to spend time with folks and i know we cannot fail.

5.I do not watch horror, thrillers or any scary movies because i get nightmares, yes you read right, nightmares. This ends with me sleeping with the telly on plus a bible/rosary or sleeping over at a friends. So no scary movies for me.

6. A couple of my friends are getting married this year from July to end year we have at least one wedding each month and two in others. This means dresses, heels, weird questions, bridal showers, cake, dancing and great fun always.

7.I love spending time alone, i can sit at my house the whole weekend without the need to hang out with other people.I miss traveling alone and plan to by the end of the year.

8. In the last 3 months, a lot has happened and i feel like even though i was involved i got to look at it all from outside. I have had to review what friendship is, what matters, what i can live with and without. Subconsciously decisions have been made, plans made and are now in action. I like this work in progress me.

9. I intend to learn how to swim and a foreign language this year.

10. I have discovered great music thanks to some great bloggers. Here's to many more.

Thanks to all who read this blog and comment, to lurkers and to all who mail.Am truly grateful and mi casa su casa.

Happy Father's Day

I have always had a great relationship with my dad and its always been easier to talk to him than to anyone else. Like any other daughter, my dad's opinion means a great deal to me. My dad was the one with candy or bar of chocolate every day after work and that was something to look forward to. Our love for reading was from my dad who had am extensive collection of James Hadley Chase and many African Authors. Then there was the usual magazines like Weekly Review, Viva, Drum, Joe, True Love. I remember going for picnics after Church, Safari Rally during Easter Holidays, Upcountry for Christmas. My love for sports must come from watching Boxing Matches on telly and live, watching Football made in Germany,World Cup, Wrestling and Olympics. Then there was the movies and the music, my love for old music from all the LPs plus our battery operated player that still comes out to feature on special occasions.
It is said that ladies tend to look for their fathers in the men that they date. My dad is the kind of person who asserts themselves quietly, dependable, can get along with anyone, giving, proud and a great achiever.As time passes and i get older i now see him for who he is and yet i still know that he is the best that there ever will be.
Here's to my daddy dearest, my No.1 man, and all other men who step up and take care of business. You are truly appreciated and loved. Happy Father's day Baba Gish.

So Far...

Trust that you are all well if not, be well soon. I finished my exams last week, hard to believe that its already been a year. When i started out, i hemmed and hawed at the thought of a year and it felt like a thousand years.At last, the coursework is done save for the research project and defense which i look forward to get done.
Seems that while i was away blog world came alive and i have a lot of catching up to do,that is already work in progress.All in good time they say. Off to attend to a tag from 3TOC. Feels good to be back.

Ramblings

First off couple of things, i love living alone, the quietness, the choice to watch and listen to what i want, dress how i want or not, the freedom of being me. Being single allows me to be spontaneous, double freedom. Most of my days are predictable since they start off with a list of things that need to be done by end of business with minor deviations on weekends which are now full of bridal showers, weddings, dowry proceedings, baby showers et al.
Last weekend was no different, was an usher at a wedding then evening party and home to bed, only difference is that i have been having a few issues with my health. As is norm i had waited until it was unbearable before i went to see the doc after which we agreed, ok, more like he informed me that i would have to undergo some procedure but he wasn't sure when but would let me know when space came up.
Sunday afternoon, needing to get my mind of things i called H to hang out at our local joint for some meat and maybe a drink. As usual we caught up on life, drama, friends, work and family. At some point, i told him about the issues that i had which was followed by, had i told anyone in my family about it. To me, it was my problem and mine to find a solution plus i didn't want the pity and worrying that would come from my family. I got a lecture and was duly informed that our friendship was on probation. As soon as i got home in a semi-happy state, my doc calls me to let me know that he had an opening the next day in the afternoon and to abstain from food and if really hungry take clear liquids only.
I sleep as well as i can then get to work the next morning, go through the motions, mail my boss informing him that i will be away then at half one head to the hospital after calling H to inform him of the change in plans as well as a few things to do in case anything goes wrong.Then protocol begins BP, weight, temp,last meal, bla bla bla. Shortly am taken to the changing room, ugly green gown,switch off phone, jab then i have to wait.In that moment,knowing that i would be unconscious for at least two hours, a lot is going on. Questions of what if i don't get up, did H really save my folks number seeing that he was my ICE(In case of Emergency) contact and i hadn't told anyone in my family, i check for medical cover, wish i had someone to sit with me among other things.
Shortly am taken to the theater, lights, jab, counting, darkness then 2.5 hrs later from the clock on the wall.Am awake, i can hear people talking and see a nurse but cant move. I will my toes to wriggle and try to scratch an itch but i cant move, this must be how it feels to be paralyzed.Am scared,worried and relieved. Half an hour later i can move and the first thing i do is to switch on my phone and call H to announce that am alive.
I feel weak, high, dizzy, thirsty, hungry, relieved, i want to go home, confused, sad.I am dropped at home, put to bed then they leave. At that point all i want is someone to sit with me not talk just sit. I call home, order some food and milk, all is well so far. The next day is spent in bed flipping through channels, texting people who are busy at work, my internet connection wont work, tired i give up and sleep only to wake up and it was noon.Very very long day.
I must admit that i love being independent and to think that i can handle anything which is almost true but in the last two weeks i have learnt that nothing can take the place of another person. I have wished and longed that i had someone there with me, confide in, tell me it will be okay. The worst is over. While am thankful for H and my family, it just ain't the same.

Here we go again!

Thanks to Shiroh and Aco, here we go again.
I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT
1. My family especially my folks.
Anyone who knows me well knows how much i love my family.
2. Cooking
I love to cook especially for a man who can really eat.I have collections of recipes and cookbooks.Sunday being my best day to try out recipes.
3. Charity
I love the smile on the faces of those receiving things that they thought they never could or even how a baby who has been abandoned clings to you when you hug them.
4. Traveling
I love to travel preferably alone that way i can be spontaneous.


FOUR WORDS OR PHRASES THAT I USE A LOT
1. For Real
2. Is all ngravy(its all good)
3. Malaria(moods)
4. Sema(tell me whats going on)


THINGS I HAVE LEARNT FROM THE PAST

1.Its always better when you share it with someone else.
2.I can only rely on my family and God most.
3.You can live with alot .
4. At the end of the day, i come first.


PLACES I WANT TO SEE OR VISIT
1. The carribean
2. Brazil carnival
3. Victoria Falls, Zim
4. The Alps


THINGS THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY
1. Stayed at home to recover.
2. Struggled to get my connection to work and put in some work.
3. Wished my mum was nearer to take care of me.
4. Got a call from long lost friend.

Happy reading, normal programming soon.

25 Random Things About Me

(copied off my facebook, Shiroh am getting to your tag.)

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. My friends are 90% male with like five women that am not related to who I consider to be my sister-friends.
2. I love Uganda, there is something about it that just unleashes my wild alter ego.
3. I know without doubt that if I get to be half the woman my mother I am a sure success.
4. My dad still thinks of me as a little girl and I sometimes act like it when am around him.
5. I disconnect from people and situations with ease. Once my mind is made up I leave and cannot be convinced otherwise.
6. I come off as standoffish and harsh to people who don’t know me.
7. I still get nightmares when I watch scary movies so I generally stay away from them.
8. To sleep I have to be tired so most evenings I do at least half hour of aerobics and shower.
9. I love to read and listen to music .
10. My family is most important to me and I talk to them every Sunday evening
11. I go home(being my parents house) whenever I feel under the weather and at least once every month.
12. Most of the men in my life treat me as one of the boys and are protective of me.
13. I am not fashion conscious and prefer to be comfortable more than fashionable any day.
14. I love to cook and my weekends are used trying out various recipes.
15. I don’t know how to ask for money or help.
16. I love and enjoy being in school ,learning and discussing my point.
17. I am an ambivert.
18. I am friends with all my exes.
19. I am poor at keeping in touch.
20. I hate drama/confrontation and will almost always walk away.
21. I love God and all things related to Him.
22. Am a closet geek.
23. I blog.
24. I love traveling alone and outdoor activities.
25. I have skinny dipped at last 3 times in the last year.(See #2)

Spuds Anon.

Hi am Gish and am a chipaholic. Its been 2 hours since my last plate of chips, i just cant seem to walk away especially those long crispy golden brown chips with some ketchup,vinegar, some salt and a hint of pepper(esp fried pepper).Just the thought of it has my glands salivating.


The downside of all this is best said as "sweet on the lips forever on the hips". Seeing that its a bit too easy to make, they are a common feature on my menu. I love them even more when they are spiced up, you know masala chips with coleslaw.


I knew it was time to quit or reduce when nothing in my wardrobe fits.The other day i was traveling on a bumpy road and most of me was literally jiggling then i knew it was time to quit. So here goes ...


ps: The insomnia is gone.

Help!

(http://www.geocities.com/happyfreakshow/insomnia.jpg)

I can’t seem to get enough sleep since the beginning of December ’08, which was good at first since I could stay up reading for the exams. Then I completed my exams and had a few days off and all I wanted was to sleep. I got to sleep at 3am watching videos or the business channel only to wake up the next day by half six in the am. Now that the holidays are done with I want my sleep back, still have the same problem only that now I can’t seem to wake up on time to get to work. Guaranteed that the alarm goes off at six am but then am tired and sleepy. Thanks to Google and my mothers wise words I have tried all the tricks: hot chocolate before bed, hot shower, reading before bed, clearing out my mind, light meals for dinner still to no avail and the heat at night doesn’t help at all. The next day, is filled with yawns that am trying to cure with hot water, mints. Sleep aside, what happens once am asleep is the other issue. I have this dreams that I could swear are real, seriously erotic dreams(whole other post)*blush*. No I don’t need some, am not getting any but really if my subconscious is trying to send a message I already got it loud and clear.

The upside to this whole story is I have had time to listen to music I have collected over time. My friend says it must be the music that I have been playing while trying to sleep that is the cause of my dreams. You tell me I have been in the company of Marvin, Lenny Williams,The King Coles, Gershwin, Ann Nesby, Billie Holiday, Teddy Pendergrass, Bessie Smith(thanks Stephen Bess), Dave Coz, Meshell Ndegeocello, Al green, Norah Jones(thanks 31337),Isaac Hayes, Barry White, Kenny G, Etta James, Ella F, Some Neo Soul,90s R&B(brownstone, xcape,SWV) just but a few.
Anywho, I need to sort this sleep and dreams thing. Any ideas?

Ps: Pray your year is filled with God’s favor.